


Still Standing

by DreamingKate



Category: Glee
Genre: Cancer, Hospitalization, M/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-05
Updated: 2014-07-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 14:25:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 20,860
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1902396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DreamingKate/pseuds/DreamingKate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine and Kurt are finally living the dream. Well…if the dream is living in the overcrowded apartment with Santana and Rachel and hardly seeing each other due to their crazy NYADA schedules. Then Blaine gets sick and everything changes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

       “Poor Blaine,” Rachel sighed, nursing a cup of steaming tea. “Dance 101 is called the Devil’s Workshop for a reason.”

 

            “No one calls it that except for you Rachel,” Kurt glanced up from where he was studying on the couch. “And stop watching my boyfriend sleep! That’s creepy!”

 

            “He looks sad even while he sleeps,” She mused and Kurt glared at her. “His arms are covered in bruises.”

 

            “Are we watching Blaine sleep?” Santana stepped into the living room, running a brush through her hair.

 

            “No!”

 

            “He’s been sleeping a lot,” She glanced into the partition where Blaine was curled up on his and Kurt’s bed. “Must be the mono.”

 

            “Blaine doesn’t have mono,” Kurt rolled his eyes.

 

            “Kurt, some people have gaydars and some people have monodars. I happen to have both,” She shrugged. “Blaine has mono. He’s always sleeping, listless, pale…it’s mono.”

 

            “It’s not,” He snapped back before jumping up and pushing past them, firmly closing the curtain.

 

            After he was sure that the two girls weren’t hiding behind the curtain he carefully lay down next to his boyfriend. Blaine didn’t even stir but Kurt frowned when he saw that his t-shirt was sticking to his skin with sweat and his hair was damp.

 

            “Hmm?” Blaine cracked an eye open as Kurt pressed a hand to his forehead.

 

            “You’re warm,” Kurt moved his hand to his cheeks. “How are you feeling?”

 

            “Tired,” Blaine stretched and Kurt could see the lines of bruises along his arms.

 

            “Do you think you need to see a doctor?” Kurt rubbed at his shoulder, feeling the damp t-shirt. “You’ve been out of it for a few weeks now. Maybe it’s some kind of flu thing.”

 

            “What can a doctor do?” Blaine’s eyes were sliding shut again.

 

            “It’ll make me feel better,” Kurt snuggled up to him and Blaine smiled a little.

 

            “Will you stop bugging me so I can sleep?”

 

            “Maybe,” Kurt laughed, kissing the corner of his mouth.

 

            The next day Blaine sat on top of the examination table, reading a magazine and swinging his legs a little. He tried to ignore the itch of the band aid covering the needle mark on his arm from the blood test.

 

            A soft knock made him jump and he glanced up to see the doctor smiling softly at him. He took a few steps in, holding a folder.

 

            “Sorry for the wait Blaine,” He said with another smile and Blaine felt a strange twist in his stomach by how sympathetic the doctor sounded and looked. “I wanted some other doctors to look over the results.”

 

            “Don’t worry about it. So…mono?”

 

            His chest tightened when the doctor sighed and pulled a chair up.

 

            “Blaine…there is no easy way to say this but it’s leukemia.”

 

            Instantly he felt like his brain short circuited. White noise filled his head and Blaine sat there, staring blankly at the man in front of him.

 

            “Um…Dr. Howard there must be some mistake,” He was finally able to stutter out.

 

            “I checked the results several times and so did other doctors,” Dr. Howard pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to him. “You’re incredibly high white cell and blast count are telltale signs. I’m so sorry.”

 

            Blaine stared down at the paper, trying to figure out what the words in front of him were saying. Wanting to find some mistake. Wanting to see that someone else’s name was on top.

 

             _Blaine Devon Anderson_

_Diagnosis: Acute lymphoblastic leukemia_

“This is wrong.”

 

            “It’s not,” Dr. Howard shook his head. “Now, we have to start treatment as soon as we can. ALL is fast acting and dangerous. You’re a student here right? Your permanent address says you’re from Ohio.”

 

            “I am.”

 

            “I would highly suggest you go back. School is going to be there when you are all better,” The doctor leaned forward to get his attention. “You need all the support you can get.”

 

            “Am…am I going to die?” He was a little horrified by how weak and shaky his voice sounded.

 

            “I know that I am going to work as hard as I can to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

 

            “Can I think about it?” Blaine crinkled the test results in his hands a little. “Decide about moving?”

 

            “This needs to be decided as quickly as possible Blaine,” Dr. Howard gave him a long look. “With this kind of cancer we have to hit it hard and fast.”

 

            “Okay,” Blaine nodded; feeling like every bone in his body was replaced with lead.  

 

            Without remembering how he got there Blaine found himself sitting in the waiting room, pamphlets and phone clutched in his hands. His finger hovered over his boyfriend’s name in his phone. It was like he was completely frozen from the news. Like his brain was trying desperately to figure out what was happening but couldn’t make it out over the white noise.

 

            Blaine jumped as the phone vibrated in his hands and answered on reflex.

 

            “Where are you?” Kurt asked. “Was there a long wait at the doctor office? I can pick us up Chinese if you want.”

 

            “I’m still here.”

 

            “Are you coming home?” Kurt laughed.

 

            “I don’t…I can’t…” And for the first time since he got the news tars started streaming down his face.

 

            “Blaine?” Kurt suddenly sounded serious. “Sweetheart?”

 

            “I need you,” Blaine sobbed out, trying to block out everyone around him.

 

            God, what a pathetic sight he made sobbing on the phone with a pile of cancer pamphlets.

 

            “Where are you?”

 

            Kurt all but ran to his boyfriend as soon as he walked through the doors, eyes wide and scared. He sat down next to him, picking up the pamphlets without looking at them, and placed a hand on his back.

 

            “Blaine? Are you okay?” He whispered quickly. “What happened?”

 

            Blaine just covered his face with his hands and shook harder.

 

            “Blaine…oh,” His heart clenched as he realized that Kurt had looked at the pamphlets. “Blaine?”

 

            “He says it’s leukemia,” Blaine whispered, almost too soft to be heard.

 

            “Let’s go home,” Kurt offered him his hand.

 

            “Tell me everything,” He said once they were curled up on the couch sharing a blanket. “They’re sure?”

 

            “Yeah,” Blaine nodded. “I have another appointment tomorrow.

 

            “Blaine…”

 

            “I’m going to go to bed,” He stood up quickly, still trying desperately to catch up to his own mind.

 

            “We have to talk about this,” Kurt tried to grab his arm but Blaine jerked away.

 

            “I’m really tired.”

 

            “You can’t ignore this! We have to talk about it!”

 

            “I don’t want to!” Blaine took a few steps away. “I don’t want talk about it! I don’t want to think about it! I just want to go to sleep. Jesus Christ Kurt, I am tired! I’m exhausted.”

 

            He spun on his heels so Kurt couldn’t see the tears filling his eyes.

 

            After a few moments of lying curled up on the bed Kurt slid in behind him and wrapped his arms around Blaine.

 

            “We can do this.”

 

            “Kurt…”

 

            “It might not be serious,” He whispered. “We will just take this a step at a time. I’m here for you. My dad got through it.”

 

            “Did you know that eighty to ninety percent of young adults with leukemia go into remission?” Blaine said softly.

 

            “That’s huge! That’s amazing!”

 

            “Over half of them relapse so the five year survival rate is really like forty percent,” Kurt completely froze. “So…yeah…”

 

            “Blaine…”

 

            “And the treatment is supposed to be horrible. I might lose my hair. I’ll throw up all the time. I’ll feel like…like death,” He started shaking violently.

 

            “I’ll be there with you.”

 

            “But we’re in school. How…how can it…” Kurt’s arms tightened around him again.

 

            “Have you told your parents?”

 

            “No,” Blaine suddenly felt cold. “I should.”

 

            “Do you want me here?” Kurt pressed a kiss behind his ear.

 

            Blaine nodded and wiped his eyes as he sat up, holding his phone in shaky hands as he dialed his parents’s number.

 

            “Hi sweetheart!” His mother sang into the phone and Blaine’s eyes flooded with tears. “How are you?”

 

            “Hi mama,” He said softly. “I have something I have to tell you.”

 

            “I’m listening.”

 

            “I haven’t been feeling well lately,” His breath hitched. “I’ve been really tired and sore lately and I thought it was maybe mono so I went to the doctor…”

 

            “Blaine?” Her voice was horribly emotionless. “Is something wrong.”

 

            “Yes.”

 

            “Honey,” He squeezed his eyes tightly shut. “What happened?”

 

            “The doctor says it looks like leukemia,” He breathed. “I have a few more tests tomorrow morning to see what is exactly going on.”

           

            “Oh,” Kurt wrapped an arm around his waist. “Oh my God.”

 

            “I know grandpa died from cancer. I’m just…I’m scared,” He let out a whimper and heard his mom sob. “Don’t cry mama. Don’t cry.”

 

            “When are you going to come home? I can find the best oncologist in Ohio and we will start fighting this,” Blaine turned wide eyes to his boyfriend.

 

            “I’m coming home?”

 

            “When my dad was going through chemo he was hardly able to take care of himself. I want you to be comfortable and you can’t be comfortable on the sixth floor of an apartment with no elevator,” She sighed.

 

            “Can I think about it?” He whispered.

 

            “It’s what is best,” His mother said quickly. “I can tell your father if you want.”

 

            “Yeah,” Guilt bubbled up in his chest. “It’s just…we don’t really talk…”

 

            “I’ll do it. You have to call Cooper,” She sounded choked up again. “I love you dear.”

 

            “I love you too mommy,” He whispered.

 

            “I’ll call you back about the travel plans. You’re my baby boy and I am going to help you,” His mother insisted. “Call me tomorrow?”

 

            “Of course.”

 

            They said their goodbyes and hung up, Blaine staring sadly at his phone.

 

            “Now you only have Cooper,” Kurt squeezed his shoulder.

 

            “Coop has an audition today. I can call him tomorrow,” Blaine tossed his phone on the bed and lay down. “Just…I want to take a nap.”

 

            Kurt pressed up behind him and smiled.

 

            “What time is your appointment tomorrow?”

 

            “8:45 in the morning,” Blaine sighed and snuggled back into his boyfriend’s chest.

 

            “So we should probably leave at eight,” He mused.

 

            “You have class,” Blaine cracked an eye open.

 

            “Fuck class,” Kurt whispered into his ear making him smile slightly. “I’m going to be here for you.”

 

            “So what happens if I do go back to Ohio?”

 

            “When. When you go back,” Kurt sighed. “Sweetheart we are in a small apartment and can only reach the hospital on a bus. I don’t want you sick on a bus with all those germs.”

 

            “I don’t want to leave you.”

 

            “I’m coming too,” Kurt intertwined their fingers together.

 

            “But what about school?” Blaine turned around to face him.

 

            “I can start up again later,” Kurt shrugged. “I’ll work in the garage with my dad.”

 

            “No,” Tears filled Blaine’s eyes and he cursed his emotions. “I can’t have you putting your dreams aside just for me.”

 

            “You are my dream,” Kurt leaned forward to kiss him gently.


	2. Chapter 2

            “He has cancer?!” Blaine woke to Rachel’s gasp outside in the living room.

 

            “Shh!” Kurt shushed her angrily. “He’s sleeping!”

 

            “Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” Rachel’s breathing came out in little squeaks. “They always say you’ll know someone who has cancer. I thought it was just your dad! I can’t believe it…”

 

            “You’re kidding,” Santana sounded emotionless.

 

            “So he needs to go into treatment as soon as possible and it’s going to take a few months. We’re going back to Ohio,” Blaine curled in further on himself, ignoring his phone vibrating on the bedside table. 

 

            “What about NYADA?”

 

            “Fuck NYADA,” Santana snapped back. “You need to be there for your boy Kurt. No excuses.”

 

            “Thanks Tana,” Kurt said fondly. “I’ll just come back later. It’s not a big deal.”

 

            “Will he be…okay?”

 

            “Yeah,” Blaine’s breath caught when he heard the waver in Kurt’s voice. “Yeah, he will be.”

 

            “Let us know if you guys need anything,” Santana said softly.

 

            This was what Blaine was scared of. He knew the moment he walked out into the living room he was going to get awkward smiles and everyone trying to be too helpful. He was going to be forever treated differently.

 

            One little test changed how everyone was going to see him.

 

            In one test he went from charming lead vocalist who was a future Broadway performer to cancer victim.

 

            And that was all anyone was going to see.

 

            “I’m going to check up on him,” Kurt said from the other side of the partition.

 

            “I can make get better cookies!” Rachel piped up.

 

            Blaine kept his eyes closed until he felt the bed dip down next to him.

 

            “Baby?” Kurt whispered in his ear. “Wake up. You have fourteen missed calls from Cooper.”

 

            “Hmm?” Blaine sighed and kept his eyes closed.

 

            “He’s probably just worried after you called,” His eyes snapped open.

 

            “Oh! I totally forgot to call Cooper,” Blaine sat up, wincing at the aches in his body and grabbed his cell phone.

 

            “What. The. Fuck?” Cooper snarled as soon as he picked up. “What the fuck Blaine? You completely forget to call me and tell me you have fucking cancer?”

 

            “Coop…”

 

            “No! I got a phone call from mom asking if I was planning on coming back to Ohio to help out. Imagine my surprise when she said it was because you have fucking cancer.”

 

            “I’m sorry.”

 

            “Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Cooper snapped.

 

            “I just…you had an audition. I didn’t want you to drop everything…”

 

            “Christ Blaine,” Cooper sighed loudly. “The audition doesn’t mean anything to me. Of course I would have dropped everything.”

 

            “That’s just it!” Blaine tried to keep his voice down. “It’s like just one little doctor appointment later and everything changes. It’s just supposed to change my life. No one else’s. No one else was supposed to get fucked over by this.”           

 

            “You’re my baby brother,” Cooper said softly.

 

            “Cooper…”

 

            “You’re my baby brother and I love you,” He said simply and  all the words died in Blaine’s mouth.

 

            “Okay.”

 

            “So I am flying up this weekend. Mom says you have tickets to come home on Monday, make sure you’re packed,” Blaine smiled a little.

 

            “Yes sir.”

 

            “I’m going to imagine you just saluted,” Blaine ducked his head as he grinned. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

            “Yeah,” Blaine nodded. “Bye.”

 

            “You okay?” Kurt asked softly and Blaine nodded.

 

            That night Blaine lay awake, staring at the piles of boxes that lay around the room. His heart pounded a little fast and he closed his eyes tightly. When Kurt moved over and wrapped his arm around his waist something inside of him broke.

 

            He spun around and pressed his lips to his boyfriend’s reaching up to cup his cheek.

 

            “Umph!” Kurt grunted as he was quickly woken up. “Blaine? Blaine stop!”

 

            “Don’t wanna,” Blaine pressed his body against Kurt’s.

 

            “Stop!” Kurt pushed him back gently. “What’s gotten into you?”

 

            “Please Kurt please,” Tears started streaming down his face. “I need this.”

 

            “You’re upset and confused…”

 

            “I’m going to start chemotherapy Kurt,” Blaine breath hitched. “And in a few weeks I’m going to be exhausted and sick and lose my hair and lose weight and you wont want to touch me.”

 

            He curled in on himself as he sobbed.

 

            “Blaine…I would never…”

 

            “So while I’m still okay I want this. I want one more time of us just being normal,” He was shaking hard in Kurt’s arms. “I mean…what if we never get the chance.”

 

            “Don’t say that,” Kurt grabbed his arm tightly. “You’re going to be fine.”

 

            “What if I’m not,” Blaine whimpered. “Fuck Kurt I could die.”

 

            Kurt didn’t respond and just held onto him as tightly as he could.

 

            “Please baby,” Blaine looked up at him with wide tear filled eyes. “Just tonight. I just need you tonight.”

 

            Kurt stared into his eyes for a long time before capturing his lips in a kiss. They kissed deeply as they stripped off their pajamas and Blaine whimpered loudly when they pressed together.

 

            “In me Kurt in me,” Blaine panted.

 

            “I don’t want to hurt you,” Kurt paused, leaning back.

 

            “You could never hurt me.”

 

            They clung together tightly as Kurt slowly rocked into him. Tears ran down both of their cheeks and they kissed, not caring that their roommates could probably hear the soft moans and whimpers.

 

            Afterwards they were still pressed tightly against each other, neither one wanting to move.

 

            “I’m scared,” Blaine whispered.

 

            “Me too.”

 

            Kurt only allowed himself to cry when he was sure Blaine was asleep. His boyfriend still seemed to be in a state of shock and this was the first time he had seen any real emotion from him.

 

            So when Kurt woke up the next morning with his boyfriend pressed against him sleeping deeply he let himself break down a little.

 

            In the early streams of sunlight he could see dark bruises where he had gripped Blaine’s upper arms too tightly. 


	3. Chapter 3

           Blaine fell asleep within minutes of boarding the plane. His head rested on Kurt’s shoulder and his mouth was open slightly.

 

            “Do you want anything to drink sir?” The pretty flight attendant smiled.

 

            “Just some sparkling water please,” He whispered back.

 

            “Anything for him? Poor guy’s been passed out since we got on the plane,” She handed him a plastic glass.

 

            “He’s been really tired lately,” Kurt shrugged, jumping a little as Blaine’s head slipped. “Maybe a ginger ale?”

 

            “Of course,” She gave him a warm smile and handed over a cup of ice and a can. “Let me know if you need anything else.”

 

            He paused for a moment before gently jostling Blaine awake. Blinking slowly, Blaine opened his eyes and looked around.

 

            “Hon,” He whispered into his ear. “We’ll be there soon. I have some ginger ale for you.”

 

            “I don’t like ginger ale,” Blaine murmured into his shoulder, closing his eyes again.

 

            “It’ll help your stomach.”

 

            “But it’s gross.”

 

            “It’ll…”

 

            “Gross.”

 

            “Fine,” Kurt huffed. “You baby.”

 

            He felt Blaine smile slightly against his arm. With a smile of his own he reached up to ruffle Blaine’s curls.

 

            By the time they landed Blaine was wide eyes, nervous, and had downed the entire can of ginger ale. He shuffled out of the plane after Kurt and quickly grabbed onto his hand as they walked to baggage claim.

 

            “Honey!” His mother ran up to him as soon as he stepped into the room and gathered him into a tight hug. “Oh God!”

 

            Blaine had to turn his head away to see beyond the wild mop of hair and saw his father, tears shining in his eyes.

 

            “Dad?” His father paused for a moment before walking over and wrapping his arms around both of them.

 

            “I’m so glad you’re here,” Andrew Anderson said softly, squeezing lightly on the back of his neck. “So glad Blaine.”

 

            Blaine felt tears fill his eyes and nodded quickly.

 

            “So,” His mother pulled back, wiping away tears. “We moved a bigger bed into your room so Kurt can stay over. I did talk to Burt and Carole and they’ve done the same.”

 

            “Thank you,” Kurt smiled, and kissed her cheek as they hugged.

 

            “Let’s go home,” Andrew picked up their bags. Kurt wrapped an arm around Blaine’s waist and pulled him close as they walked into the chilly Ohio air.

 

            “It’s just weird to call it home again,” Blaine said, scrunching his nose up a little as they drove. “I…I was loving living in New York.”

 

            “It’s what is best,” Kurt patted his leg.

 

            “Mmhmm.”

 

            “I have an appointment for you tomorrow at Cancer Care,” Lisa turned to hand him a packet. “They’ve been in contact with the doctor in New York and have put together a treatment plan. You’re going to meet the doctor, have them look you over, and start treatment.”

 

            “I’m starting treatment tomorrow?” Blaine flipped through the packet of information, staring at the pictures of smiling couples.

 

            “The doctor said treatment needed to be started right away,” Andrew continued, glancing back at his son in the rearview mirror.

 

            “Okay.”

 

            Kurt looked over to see how his hands shook and he paled. Quickly, he reached over and squeezed his boyfriend hand. The couple smiled softly at each other.

 

            “You’ll be okay.”

 

            He was not okay.

 

            Cancer Care was a small office in a strip mall. The walls were painted a cheerful yellow and watercolors of lilies hung on every wall. What Blaine hated to most was how everyone in there gave him that sad, soft smile.

 

            Poor Blaine Anderson. Eighteen and had cancer. Just too sad.

 

            “Blaine?” A tall blonde woman smiled at him from the door. “I’m ready for you now.”

 

            Blaine glanced over to his parents and Kurt who stood with him. Immediately, Kurt reached over and took his boyfriend’s hand in his.

 

            “My name is Pauline Slater and I’ll be your doctor,” She led them to a small observation room.

 

            Doctor Pauline Slater was middle aged but had a certain grace about her. Her long blonde hair was pulled back into a low braid and she wore small square rimmed glasses that covered her brown eyes. The smile lines around her mouth and eyes put Blaine at ease and he smiled back at her when she patted the table.

 

            “I’ve gotten all your test results and bloodwork,” She picked up his chart. “And I see you have a little entourage as well.”

 

            “These are my parents Lisa and Andrew,” Blaine smiled at his parents. “And this is my boyfriend Kurt.”

 

            “Support always makes this process easier,” Pauline took a seat on a stool. “I’ve gone through everything multiple times and my team and I have created a chemotherapy treatment that we think will be very effective.”

           

            “Awesome,” Blaine sighed.

 

            “Any questions?” Pauline glanced around the room.

 

            “I do!” Lisa dug through her purse and pulled out a notebook.

           

            “Mom seriously?”

 

            “I want to take notes,” She gave her son a pointed look. “Um…I know that everyone makes a big deal about the side effects of chemotherapy. What are we looking at with this particular medication?”

 

            “Everyone reacts to chemotherapy differently. I’ve had patients who have experienced no side effects and some that go through all of it. Some of the more common ones are hair loss, loss of appetite, nausea, fatigue, nerve damage, skin or nail changes, dry mouth, sores in the mouth, diarrhea, constipation, erectile dysfunction or lack of sex drive. Again, you may not experience these and if you do we can try to make it easier with medication,” She gave him a reassuring smile but with every new side effect Blaine could feel his chest tighten.

 

            “Okay,” Lisa mumbled, scribbling in her notebook.

 

            “There might also be a problem with infertility…”

 

            “I don’t need to worry about that,” Blaine shrugged. “Not like I was trying to get myself or my boyfriend pregnant.”

 

            “But if you want to maybe use your sperm with a surrogacy?”

           

            “No.”

 

            “Alright,” Pauline wrote something down.

 

            “What about pain or discomfort?” Andrew piped up.

 

            “We can counteract it with medication as well,” She said softly.

 

            “What about food?” Lisa asked. “What can I cook him?”

 

            Blaine frowned, hating how his mother was talking like he wasn’t there.

 

            “Anything. Sometimes you might find that you can’t keep certain foods down but try to keep healthy,” Pauline handed Lisa a pamphlet on nutrition.

 

            “And I’m starting chemo today?” Blaine asked softly.

 

            “Yes. Your cancer is advanced and we need to put our all into fighting it. Basically, you’re going to sit in a big chair with an IV in your hand for a few hours,” She handed him a few pamphlets. “You’ll come in once a week and I’ll give you a prescription for medication to take for the rest of the time.”

 

            “I think I’m good on questions,” Lisa finished writing.

 

            “If you have any more please don’t hesitate to call and ask me,” She gave them all a smile. “Cancer is scary but it is beatable.”

 

            “I’m ready to go if it’s ready,” Blaine blurted, desperate just to get it over with.

           

            “Of course,” Pauline patted him on the leg. “We do ask that only one support person is in the room at one time otherwise it can get overwhelming.”

 

            “Kurt should go,” Andrew rest a hand on Kurt’s shoulder. “We will go get things ready at the house and pick up prescriptions. Just call if you need anything.”

 

            “I packed a bag just in case,” Kurt shrugged. “With some DVDs and magazines and stuff.”

 

            “Great! Follow me!” Pauline shook Blaine’s parents’s hands and led them down a hall into a small room. She motioned for Blaine to take a seat and Kurt hurried to grab his bag. “Take a seat and a nurse will be in shortly. I’ll check up on you when you’re all done.”

 

            Blaine gave her a shaky smile as she left and the nurse walked in, pushing a cart. His leg bounced nervously as the nurse set up the chemotherapy IV next to the overly cushioned chair. She was humming softly, ponytail bouncing as she bobbed her head.

 

            “Alright sweetie,” She gave him a blindingly white smile. “Where is your support person?”

 

            “Kurt is just getting some things from the car,” He waved a shaky hand towards the general direction of the parking lot.

 

            “I never introduced myself,” She spun around. “My name is Annie and I’ll be your nurse during treatment.”

 

            “Blaine,” He gave her a small smile. “But I guess you already knew that…it’s on the chart.”

 

            “I took a guess,” She gave him a smile and patted his arm. “I know it’s scary but my job to make sure that you are comfortable and this goes as smoothly as it can. I’m here for you.”

 

            “Thanks Annie,” He gave her a soft smile as Kurt rushed in with a bag. “And this is my boyfriend Kurt. Kurt this is my nurse Annie.”

 

            “Nice to meet you!” Annie shook his hand. “I can imagine that we’ll get to know each other very well over the next few weeks.”

 

            “I hope so,” Kurt smiled and sat down in a chair nearby.

 

            “Now Blaine,” Annie pulled a cart over with the IV catheter. “We’re just going to start you on the IV and then you’re going to sit around and relax for four hours.”

 

            “That’s it?” Blaine looked nervously at the needle.

 

            “Yup! Ready?” His eyes flicked over to Kurt who smiled and gave him a thumbs up.

 

            “Alright, go,” He held out a shaky hand and winced when she gently wiped the alcohol swab over his hand. Blaine only let out a short hiss when she slid the needle in and taped it down.

 

            “You are all set,” Annie turned on the IV and patted his shoulder. “Just press that button if you need anything. I’ll be by to check on you in a few minutes.”

 

            “Thanks Annie,” Kurt said gently as she shut the door before turning to his boyfriend. “How are you feeling?”

 

            “Cold,” Blaine wiggled his fingers and tried to ignore the odd feeling of cold liquid flowing into his veins. “And now I’m just kind of waiting for the nausea or something.”

 

            “It might not come. You could be that person who isn’t affected at all by the medication,” Kurt gave him a grin. “I did bring the third season of Gilmore Girls?”

 

            “Oooh,” Blaine snuggled back, happily accepting the fuzzy blanket Kurt gave him. “Start it.”

 

            He fell asleep about halfway through the first episode.

 

            “I feel great!” Blaine smiled four hours later as Annie took out the IV. “No problems at all!”

 

            “I’m glad!” She gave him a warm smile and massaged his hand. “You are looking good. That nap did you well.”

 

            “And I just have to do this once a week? I can do this no problem,” Blaine scoffed, stretching as he pulled himself out of the chair. “Cancer is easy.”

 

            Kurt couldn’t hold in the smile as Blaine was quickly checked out. He couldn’t hold in the smile when Blaine asked to grab a cheeseburger on the way back. He couldn’t hold in the smile when they curled up under a blanket that evening to watch a movie with Blaine’s parents.

 

            Then near the end it changed.

 

            Blaine had shifted uncomfortably for a while before he began to shiver. Kurt gently rubbed his arms but the tremors just got wore.

 

            “Oh.”

 

            “You okay sweetie?” Lisa didn’t glance away from the screen and Kurt frowned as Blaine jerked a few times.

 

            “No, no, no,” Blaine frantically tried to scramble off he couch, falling to his hands and knees for a moment before sprinting to the bathroom.

 

            “Blaine?” Kurt jumped up as they heard him retch.

 

            He hurried to the bathroom to see Blaine leaning over the toilet, looking small and miserable. With another choked off whimper he lurched over the toilet and threw up again, body shaking hard.

 

            “Here,” Andrew crouched in the doorway, holding out a bottle of water.

 

            Shaking, Blaine leaned back against the tub. He took short, shallow breaths and closed his eyes tightly. Every thing ached and his throat burned horribly.

 

            “Put this under your tongue,” Andrew handed him a small strip of what looked like paper. “It’s for your nausea. It’ll help.”

 

            “It’s just going to get worse,” Blaine sniffed, eyes flashing with tears. “I read all of those stupid pamphlets. I know what’s going to happen.”

 

            “It’s manageable,” Lisa was standing in the doorway, hand resting on her husband’s shoulder.

 

            “Hearing loss could be caused by chemotherapy,” He entire body jerked with a sob. “I could go deaf. How the hell can I perform on Broadway then?”

 

            “Could be,” Kurt took his hand. “It could happen. That doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.”

 

            Blaine shook his head miserably, tears dotting the fabric on his sweatpants.

 

            “Do you want to go to bed?” Andrew reached forward to gently squeeze his son’s leg.

 

            “Yeah. I’m tired,” Blaine nodded, wincing as Kurt helped him up. “But can you like…bring a bucket or something?”

 

            “Sure honey,” Lisa kissed his forehead. “I’ll bring you some water and saltines in case you get hungry.”

 

            Kurt helped his boyfriend up the stairs, frowning as he stumbled. Blaine twisted his fingers into the fabric of Kurt’s shirt and all but collapsed into bed.

 

            “”m sorry,” He mumbled, burying his face into the blankets. “Dunno why ‘m so tired.”

 

            “Because you basically had poison pumped through your veins to kill the cancer,” Kurt kissed his cheek and smiled at Lisa who brought in a trash can, a few bottles of water, and a sleeve of crackers.

 

            “Sleep well,” She kissed them both on the forehead. “Don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.”

 

            Blaine fell into a fitful sleep. It was obvious that he couldn’t get comfortable. The joint and muscle pain kept him shifting and moaning weakly. Even though he only woke up once to throw up Kurt stayed awake, reading and rereading some magazines.

 

            “Hey,” A soft knock made him glance up to see Cooper standing in the doorway. “Is he asleep?”

 

            “Yeah,” Kurt nodded and glanced to the clock to see it was almost eleven. “He’s pretty nauseous and achy.”

 

            Cooper’s eyes were sad as he walked in, shrugging off his coat. He gave Kurt a tiny smile before sitting on the bed and placing a hand gently on his brother’s shoulder.

 

            “Blainers?” He said softly and Blaine let out a little hum.

 

            “Coop?”

 

            “Yeah,” He squeezed his shoulder slightly. “I’m here. I just wanted you to know I was here.”

 

            “’m glad you’re ‘ere,” He mumbled, eyes still closed.

 

            “I’ll let you sleep,” Cooper leaned forward to kiss his temple before turning to Kurt and giving a smile. “Thank you Kurt.”

 

            “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else,” Kurt smiled down at his boyfriend who burrowed into his side. 


	4. Chapter 4

            “A month?” Blaine stared blankly at Pauline who nodded slowly. “I thought I was just going to have to come in for a few hours every week.”

 

                “When we looked at the results from the New York hospital that was what we thought. However, with the results of the last tests we ran I think this is best,” Pauline handed out a small booklet to everyone in the room. “It’s impatient chemotherapy treatment. You’ll be given treatment for six days a week continuously and a break on the seventh. There is a high risk of infection so you need to be monitored.”

 

                “It’s got to be insanely expensive!”

 

                “That’s not important Blaine,” Andrew shook his head. “The money doesn’t matter.”

 

                “I don’t want to be in a hospital for a month,” Blaine felt tears burning in his eyes.

 

                “Blaine I don’t think you understand the seriousness of the situation,” Pauline said gently but Blaine shook his head quickly.

 

                “No. I’m not going to trapped in a hospital for a month!”

 

                “You have acute lymphoblastic leukemia,” Her kind face was serious. “That means it moves fast. If you don’t go through this treatment I don’t see you surviving past three months.”

 

            The silence in the room made Blaine’s ears ring.

 

            “Wait what?” Cooper all but stuttered. “You’re saying he’ll die?”

 

            “This is a very aggressive kind of cancer. The treatment has to be done in a hospital to keep infection at bay. Blaine, this is a very difficult treatment,” She reached forward and took his hand. “Everyone in this room wants you to get better.”

 

            Blaine stared intently down at his hands that were clenched in his lap.

 

            “When should I go?” He whispered.

 

            “We can get you admitted and you can get into your room tomorrow,” She gave him a smile. “I’ll still be your oncologist. The staff there is wonderful.”

 

            “I’m sure.”

 

            “The oncology wing is absolutely amazing. They offer classes like yoga and art,” Pauline tapped her finger on the packet. “There’s a music room as well.”

 

            “Okay,” Blaine nodded, sliding his fingers through his hair. “Fine.”

 

            “It’ll be best. We’ll get you scheduled for surgery in the morning so we can put in your chemo port,” She smiled and motioned towards the horrible bruise on his hand. “So that doesn’t keep happening.”

 

            Blaine nodded, still staying quiet. Out of the corner of his eye he could see tears shining on his mother’s face. Kurt’s hand on his shoulder was the only thing grounding him.

 

            The car ride home was quiet and Blaine stared out of the window, gripping the pamphlets in a white knuckled grip.

 

            “I can help you pack if you like?” Lisa glanced back at her son.

 

            “Kurt can help.”

 

            “Okay…” Lisa nodded, turning back to the front and checking her phone. “Cooper is at the store and wants to know if you need anything.”

 

            “Can he get me like some kind of big pillow or something?” Blaine stretched slightly. “I’ve been really sore at night.”

 

            “Big pillow,” Lisa muttered slowly as she typed it out on her phone.

 

            As soon as they got home, Blaine took Kurt’s hand and brought him upstairs. Kurt took a second to grab two duffle bags from the hall closet that Lisa had pointed him to.

 

            “Okay, so we need clothes and…”

 

            Blaine grabbed him and all but shoved him onto the bed, straddling him and kissing him deeply.

 

            “Your parents are downstairs!” Kurt pushed him off a little.

 

            “Like I’ll have any more privacy over the next month? With doctors and nurses coming into my room,” Blaine was scowling and yanked his shirt off. “I’ll have to get a port put in and I will be so sick.”

 

            “Sweetheart,” Kurt sat up and cupped his face, gently brushing tears off his cheeks. “I don’t care about that. I want you to be healthy. I want you to be okay.”

 

            “I wont be,” His voice cracked. “I’m tired and I’m scared.”

 

            Blaine burst into tears, his body shaking with his sobs and Kurt pulled him in until his forehead was resting on Kurt’s chest.

 

            “I’m scared too,” Kurt blinked back tears. “I know things will happen. I know what could happen. I will never stop loving you or stop being attracted to you. You are beautiful and charming and loving. You are everything I’ve ever wanted.”

 

            Blaine’s hands shook as he let them trail along Kurt’s jaw and neck before leaning in with a tender kiss. They just stayed they, lips sliding against each other slowly.

 

            “Kurt please I want to,” Blaine slid a hand to Kurt’s waistband. “We wont be able to for a long time and maybe not ever if…”

 

            “Hey,” Kurt pressed a finger to his lips. “You’re not going to talk like that. We’re not going to talk about ifs. You are going to be alright.”

 

            Blaine nodded slightly, blinking away tears.

 

            “But we can if you want to,” He smiled gently, running his fingers through Blaine’s curls.

 

            “I do,” Blaine leaned forward in his lap, grinding down a little. “I want to do it just like this. I want you holding me and I want to see you.”

 

            “Whatever you want,” Kurt pressed a kiss to his lips and gently pushed him off so they could take off their clothes.

 

            Blaine slid back into his lap, legs moving to wrap around Kurt’s waist as they kissed deeply. He sighed softly into the kiss as Kurt ran his hands up and down his back.

 

            “Ready?” Kurt asked against his lips, reaching for the bottle of lube he had grabbed earlier. Blaine nodded quickly and hissed as Kurt slid a finger into him.

 

            Soon Blaine was rocking onto his lap, gasping softy as he moved. Kurt felt tears spring to his eyes as he tried to remember the last time they were this close. He felt something wet hit his face and realized that Blaine was crying.

 

            “Are you okay? Does it hurt?” Kurt asked, hands moving to grab his boyfriend’s hips to still them.

 

            “No,” Blaine said shakily. “I just love you so much.”

 

            “I love you too,” Kurt couldn’t hold in his tears.

 

             It took them both a while of rocking and moaning until they finally were swept up in each other.

 

            “I wish I could just stay here forever,” Blaine sighed, still in Kurt’s lap with his arms wrapped around him.

 

            “Well we would get awful sticky,” Kurt smiled when Blaine laughed softly. “We should probably get a shower and pack a little.”

 

            “Why?” Blaine whined.

 

            “Because if you are in a hospital for so long then you are not wearing those hideous gowns,” Kurt pressed a kiss to his nose as they untangled from each other and took a shower in the attached bathroom.

 

            While they were picking out Blaine’s more comfortable sweaters there was a soft knock at the door.

 

            “Blaine?”

 

            “Yeah, Cooper come in,” Blaine held up a yellow sweater and a green one, looking between them.

 

            “Mom said you wanted a big pillow,” He pulled in a huge body pillow.

 

            As soon as Blaine got a good look at it he burst into laughter. It was a nice memory foam pillow that had to have been really expensive but the case was all white except for the panda bear head at the top.

 

            “It’s awesome!” Blaine was grinning ear to ear.

 

            “I was going to get the boring plain one but something told me this one was better,” He was smiling. “I’m going to help you move to the hospital tomorrow. Mom and dad both have important meetings tomorrow morning they can’t miss.”

 

            “I don’t expect them to put everything in their lives aside,” Blaine shrugged, smiling again when he looked at the pillow. “What time do you want to leave?”

 

            “How does nine sound?”

 

            Nine was too early. Blaine hated how tired he was all the time and struggled to stay awake in the car ride to the hospital. He knew that it was the medication he was on but he hated the feeling.

 

            “Here we are,” Cooper pulled the car into the hospital’s huge parking garage. “Need any help?”

 

            “Carry my pillow,” Blaine handed the pillow to his brother who huffed. They walked into the large entrance.

 

            “Excuse me,” Cooper flashed the pretty volunteer at the desk a smile. “Point us to the oncology ward?”

 

            “Oh…of course,” Her smile grew a little stiff. “It’s the fifth floor.”

 

            “Thanks!” Cooper glanced back at them and jerked his head towards the elevator.

 

            The oncology ward was painted in a calming shade of blue with little clouds painted onto the fluorescent lights. A nurse saw them and, after checking him in, brought him to his room.

 

            Room twenty three was actually larger than usual. The bed was larger than a normal hospital bed and there was a pull out sofa in the corner. A television was hung on the wall and the large windows overlooked a park.

 

            “Nice!” Cooper whistled as he walked in.

 

            “Knock, knock!” Pauline smiled at them from the doorway. “Ready to get your port Blaine?”

 

            “I guess,” Blaine gave her a nervous little smile.

 

            “It’s easy. We’ll give you some twilight anesthesia and you might be a little out of it but you shouldn’t be in too much pain,” She reached over to rub his back.

           

            “Let’s get this over with.”

 

            “That’s the spirit,” Pauline chuckled before handing him a gown. “Change into this and get into bed. We’ll wheel you down.”

 

            Kurt gave his boyfriend a kiss and Cooper ruffled his curly hair as he was being brought down to surgery. When they had all left Cooper and Kurt stood awkwardly in the room.

 

            “I don’t think we’ve ever been by ourselves before,” Cooper piped up as they unpacked Blaine’s clothes.

 

            “You’re right,” Kurt nodded as he folded a sweater.

 

            “You’re just…you’re a really good guy Kurt,” Cooper said slowly. “Blaine is so lucky to have you.”

 

            “I’m lucky to have him.”

 

            “I mean…I don’t know where my brother would be without you. When you’re with him it’s like you bring out everything that’s good,” Cooper gave him a smile.

 

            “I love him,” Kurt smiled softly.

 

            “I know you do.”

 

            They two of them just chatted about New York, LA, school, work, and anything else they could think of. Soon Blaine’s parents arrived and helped them set up the room.

 

            Kurt was in the middle of tacking up some musical posters when Blaine was wheeled back in. The anesthesia was clearly taking an effect on him and his head bobbed with every move.

 

            “The port got in just fine,” Pauline gave them a smile after thanking the nurses. “He’s just a little goofy from the drugs.”

 

            “No,” Blaine shook his head, stretching the word out. “’m fine.”

 

            “Oh honey,” Kurt giggled and walked over.

 

            “Kurt,” Blaine smiled wide, reaching out for him and wincing.

 

            “Blaine,” Pauline said loudly. “You just got a port put in. Don’t move your arm too much or it’ll hurt.”

 

            “There’s…there’s…there’s something in me,” Blaine fidgeted, tugging at his gown to look at the bandage.

 

            “No, no,” Kurt gently took his hand and Lisa laughed.

 

            “This is just like when he got his wisdom teeth out,” She smoothed her hand through his hair and he smiled up at her, dazed.

 

            “Okay…” He tried to push himself up and fell a little. “I’m ready. Let’s go.”

 

            “Go where?” Cooper held a cup of water with a straw up to his lips and Blaine took a few sips.

 

            “Home,” Blaine lay back and closed his eyes. “Let’s go home.”

 

            “Sweetie,” Lisa spoke up after a moment and Andrew shifted uncomfortably. “You know that you’ll have to stay in the hospital right? You’re here for a month to get your treatment.”

 

            “No,” Blaine shook his head and reached shaky hands up to the bandage.

 

            “Hon,” Kurt took his hands and was able to see the port under the skin which made his stomach churn slightly. “You must be tired.”

 

            “Mmhmm,” Blaine nodded forward, head jerking.

 

            “So go to sleep.”

           

            “I will…in my bed…at home,” He slurred a little, eyes still closed.

 

            “We’ll talk about it when you wake up,” Andrew pat his leg through the blanket and Blaine nodded, almost instantly falling asleep.

 

            “Really Andrew?” Lisa gave her husband a look.

 

            “Like he’ll remember when he wakes,” Andrew shrugged.

 

            “Well,” Lisa spoke up after a pause. “I didn’t have the chance to get breakfast this morning. I’m going to run to the little coffee shop downstairs, does anyone want to come with me?”

 

            “I’ll come,” Both Andrew and Cooper said at the same time, smiling briefly.

 

            “I’d like to stay if that’s alright,” Kurt took a seat in the thankfully comfortable chair and reached over to take his boyfriend’s hand.


	5. Chapter 5

        “That’s going in my chest?” Blaine eyed the long needle the nurse, Tammy, was getting ready.

 

            “One quick poke,” She gave him a smile. “Plus we’ll use some numbing spray.”

 

            “And then you can rest and watch tv,” Kurt spoke up and Cooper nodded from across the room, paling a little.

 

            “You good Coop?” Blaine asked teasingly.

 

            “Yeah…that’s just a really long needle,” He swallowed loudly. “And you’re going to stick it in his…oh…okay.”

 

            “Do you need to cover your eyes?” Blaine was smiling but glanced over to the needle nervously.

 

            “No!”

 

            “Alright,” Tammy pressed her finger onto the port where she had sprayed numbing spray a little while earlier. “Can you feel that?”

 

            “A little,” Blaine glanced down.

 

            “It’ll feel like a painful needle prick,” She picked up the needle and Blaine instantly reached out for his boyfriend’s had. “Ready? One, two, three, stick!”

 

            Cooper’s eyes shot up to the ceiling as soon as the needle slid into the port on his chest. Blaine let out a sharp hiss and tightened his grip on Kurt’s. As soon as it was in the port he let out a shaky exhale.

 

            “You doing alright?” Tammy asked, putting a tube on the other end of the line. “I’m just going to draw some blood for tests.”

 

            “Ah weird!” Blaine scrunched up his nose a little as the blood started flowing. “I can feel the blood leaving.”

 

            “Oh,” Cooper shook his head and covered his face with his hands.

 

            “Good there Cooper?” Blaine teased, voice sounding a little breathless as Tammy hooked him up to the IV.

 

            “So good,” He muttered from behind his hands.

 

            “There it is,” Blaine sighed when the cold liquid started flowing through his veins.

 

            “I’ll come check up on your soon. Buzz me if you need me,” She pointed to the call button. “Have fun gentlemen.”

 

            “Okay so I have the first season of Walking Dead?” Cooper waved the DVD.

 

            “You couldn’t handle watching a little needle slide into my chest. You’re suggesting a show about killing zombies?” Blaine raised his eyebrows.

 

            “That needle was huge,” Cooper said seriously as he put in the DVD. “Plus zombie blood and guts is not the same as real life blood and guts. Zombies are cool.”

 

            “Fine,” Blaine scoot over in his bed so Kurt could slide in next to him. “Let’s watch some hot guys kick zombie ass.”

 

            Two hours later the zombie killing spree on the screen was interrupted by a knock on the door.

 

            “Hi there!” Carole gave them a smile and Burt grinned at them. “We come with lunch!”

 

            “I am starving!” Blaine sat up straighter, grinning.

 

            “Those would be the steroids,” Carole teased, placing a few Tupperware containers. “I have a salad with homemade vinaigrette and leftover chicken parmesan and pasta.”

 

            “I was going to get you a burger but Carole wouldn’t let me,” Burt gave him a smile. “I did manage to grab you a piece of pie though.”

 

            “Thanks,” Blaine said through a mouthful of pasta.

 

            “You look good,” Burt patted his leg through the blankets.

 

            “I feel pretty good,” Blaine shrugged. “I know it’s because of the anti-nausea medication and steroids they’re pumping me full of. I’m kind of nervous that it’s going to hit me hard.”

 

            “I never really had many bad side effects,” Burt gave him a warm smile which turned teasing. “Well except for the hair loss.”

 

            “Don’t remind me,” Blaine groaned, running a hand through his thick hair.

 

            “It might not happen,” Cooper piped up.

 

            “But you got a nice room!” Carole smiled at the tacked up musical posters. “Very homey.”

 

            “Complete with zombies,” Burt nodded towards the screen.

 

            “I like it. It’s like, I have cancer but at least my friends aren’t trying to eat me,” Blaine shrugged. “I like putting it in perspective.”

 

            “Interesting way of coping,” Burt smiled at him.

 

            “Sweetheart you know we’re here for you,” Carole kissed him gently on the forehead. “You call day or night. You’re family.”

 

            “Where are your parents?”

 

            “They had to be at work,” Cooper spoke up from the chair in the corner.

 

            “Speaking of work, Kurt I need you to come in starting tomorrow,” Burt looked at him a little apologetically.

 

            “I don’t get more time?”

 

            “Sorry buddy,” Burt sighed and Blaine reached over to squeeze his boyfriend’s arm.

 

            “It’s fine Kurt. I want you to go out,” He gave him a smile.

 

            “I’m staying here tonight,” Cooper said. “The pull out couch is surprisingly comfortable.”

 

            Kurt relaxed slightly, obviously thinking that Blaine would have been left alone.

 

            The rest of the day flew by and soon Burt and Carole were all but dragging Kurt out of the room. He left with a kiss and a wave.

 

            “How’re you feeling?” Cooper asked softly when everyone had left.

 

            “Tired,” Blaine gave him a little smile.

           

            “You should get some sleep,” Cooper stood, closing the door. “I’ll just play on my iPad or something.”

 

            “Kay,” Blaine pulled the blankets up higher, ignoring the needle in his chest. “Night.”

 

            “Goodnight Blainers.”

 

            Cooper wasn’t lying when he said the pull out couch was comfortable. The stress and tension from the past few days left and he fell asleep almost instantly.

 

            Around three in the morning Cooper was startled awake by a loud crash. He sat up to see Blaine leaning over the side of the bed and throwing up violently, body jerking hard.

 

            “Blaine?” Cooper jumped up, avoiding the puddle of sick, and gently rested a hand on his brother’s back.

 

            “I’m sorry,” Blaine choked out, shaking.

 

            Cooper reached over and pressed the call button a few times before grabbing the trashcan and holding it up for Blaine.

 

            Blaine had tears streaming down his face as he started dry heaving. Cooper gently shushed him, rubbing circles on his back as a nurse stepped in.

 

            “He started throwing up,” Cooper explained and the nurse nodded, looking sympathetic.

 

            “That happens with this medication. We’ll just need to up the anti-nausea medicine. Pauline is off duty tonight but Dr. Garder is on. I’m going to get him to prescribe something stronger.”

 

            She quickly picked up a phone and requested a prescription. After a pause she nodded.

 

            “Alright sweetie, he’s writing it up and the pharmacists will be here soon,” She took a step closer. “Can I get your anything? I can get you crackers or water.”

 

            “Just water,” Blaine croaked.

 

            After a miserable half hour, Blaine fell into an exhausted sleep. Cooper took a seat next to his brother, now wide awake. His heart broke at how tired Blaine looked even while sleeping.

 

            For the next few days it continued.

 

            Thankfully the medication was doing it’s job and while Blaine was still nauseous he wasn’t throwing up as much. Of course, he wasn’t eating as much. 

 

            Even when Kurt was there it was nearly impossible for him to stay awake for more than thirty minutes at a time because of the extreme exhaustion.

 

            “You’ll get to walk around a bit tomorrow,” Kurt said around the mouthful of sandwich, watching intensely to make sure that Blaine at least ate some of his soup.

 

            “Yay,” Blaine gave him a little smile. “Hopefully I wont fall asleep while I walk.”

 

            “I’ll hold you up,” Kurt teased, reaching forward to kiss his boyfriend. He carded his fingers through Blaine’s hair and pulled back with a smile.

 

            “So are you…oh…” He blinked down at his hand in surprise.

 

            His hand was covered in hair.

 

            “No, no, no,” Blaine eyes widened in panic and he quickly twisted his fingers in his hair, gasping when he saw how much fell out.

 

            “It’s okay,” Kurt jumped up to grab a towel and started wiping the hair off their hands.

 

            Blaine spun around and let out a gasp when he saw how much hair was on his pillow. Tears instantly started streaming down his cheeks and he weakly started running his trembling hands through his hair.

 

            “Hey, hey,” Kurt climbed into the bed next to him and gathered him into his arms.

 

            Blaine’s body shook with sobs and he clung to Kurt’s sweater. His soft cries were hoarse and he brought his knees up to his chest, curling up in Kurt’s lap.

 

            “You’re going to make yourself sick,” Kurt whispered. “Shh, it’s okay baby. It’ll be okay.”

 

            Blaine couldn’t respond through his sobs. 


	6. Chapter 6

           “Have you told anyone from New Directions?” Kurt asked as they were watching television and Blaine blinked awake out of his daze.

            “No, no one knows besides Santana and Rachel…who you told,” He mumbled.

            “Because they’re our roommates,” Kurt smiled and pressed his lips to Blaine’s temple.

            He had slept through his break day and was currently on his second day of his second week of chemotherapy. It was almost shocking how much skinnier Blaine looked already and the thinning of his hair was more obvious.

            “I think you should tell everyone.”

            “So they can show up with fruit baskets and dramatic performances? No thank you,” Blaine scoffed.

            “Because they care about you. Just post about it on the facebook group,” Kurt leaned over to grab Blaine’s laptop off of the bedside table.

            “You aren’t going to stop are you?” Blaine gave him a small smile.

            “No,” Kurt grinned, opening it and logging into Blaine’s account.

            Blaine stretched slightly and went to the New Directions facebook group.

            “What do I write?” He asked softy.

            “Whatever you want,” Kurt kissed his forehead. “I’m going to go get you lunch from the cafeteria.”

            Blaine waited until Kurt had left the room before he started typing.

             **Blaine Anderson: Hey everyone! I hope you all are doing well. I recently got some news that I want to share. I’ve been pretty sick lately and went to the doctor. Turns out that I have leukemia. Sucks right? So, I’m back in Lima at the hospital going through a month of intensive chemotherapy. I feel okay. I’m really tired and nauseous all the time and I’ve started losing some of my hair which was expected but that doesn’t make it any easier. I’ll be fine so don’t worry about me. I just wish I was back in Lima for a happier reason than this.**

His heart beat faster as he pressed enter and he just waited for the responses. Almost instantly they started pouring in.

             **Mike Chang: Wow man. I can’t believe it. I really hope you’re feeling better soon! Keep me updated!! Let me know if you need anything!**

**Mercedes Jones: Blaine! How did you not tell me! I’ll be praying for you.**

**Tina Cohen-Chang: Blainey-Days!!!!!!!!!!!! I’ll come to see you as soon as I can!!!!!!!**

**Noah “Puck” Puckerman: I got you dude.**

**Rachel Berry: Hope you feel better soon!!**

With every incoming message he felt his chest swell a little bit and his eyes flooded with tears. Some of them made him smile and some made the tears gather more but they all basically said the same thing.

            He wasn’t alone.

            “You okay?” Kurt asked from the doorway, holding a take out box.

            “Fine,” Blaine gave him an honest smile. “It’s just hard to think that this is all actually happening.”

            “I know,” Kurt sighed, opening to show a serving of mac and cheese. “It feels like a dream.”

            “A nightmare,” Blaine raised his eyebrows a little and smiled when Brittany’s message popped up. “But it kind of feels nice to have everyone know.”

            “I bet,” Kurt nudged the food. “Eat.”

            “I’m not hungry.”

            “You have to eat,” Kurt pushed the take out box again.

            “Really Kurt, I’m not hungry.”

            “For every bite you take I’ll give you a kiss,” Kurt said slowly, giving him a flirty smile.

            “Oh?” Blaine gave him a smile and took a bite. “One.”

            “I’m here!” Puck suddenly burst through the door with Finn in tow. “I’m here!”

            “Why?” Blaine jumped and put his fork down, smoothing the blanket over his lap. “Wait…I just posted that I was here on facebook like fifteen minutes ago.”

            “Don’t worry about it,” Puck waved his hand and placed a box on the bedside table.

            “But…”

            “Don’t worry about it,” Finn shrugged.

            “…fine,” Blaine stared at him intently, curios. “Aren’t you guys supposed to be in class or something?”

            “Blaine…”

            “Don’t worry about it!” He rolled his eyes. “I know.”

            “You don’t look too bad,” Finn gave him a wide smile. “I was expecting you to be like thirty pounds or something. You look pretty good.”

            “It’s only been a week,” Blaine pushed himself up until he was fully seated.

            “Anyway bro, I got you,” Puck clicked open the little box and pulled out some hair clippers.

            “Wait! What are you doing?” Kurt jumped when Puck turned it on.

            “Shaving his head,” Finn looked at him like it was the most simple explanation.

            “Why?” Kurt’s eyes were huge.

            “Well…it’s kind of thinning,” Puck looked at Blaine’s hair. “And you’re going to lose it. My nana had breast cancer and her hair was all stringy for a long time. It’s this or it’ll fall out slowly…plus I’ve always wanted to shave your head.”

            “No!” Kurt sputtered. “That’s crazy! Absolutely not! It’s…”

            “Okay.”

            “What?” Kurt spun around to his boyfriend.

            “Let’s do it,” Blaine glanced up at him. “Do we need a towel or something?”

            Finn let out a cheer and sprinted to the bathroom to get a towel, wrapping it around his shoulders.

            “Blaine…”

            “Kurt, look,” Blaine ran his fingers through his hair and pulled back to show him the hair clinging to them. “It’s falling out. I’d rather be bald than balding.”

            “That’s the spirit,” Puck turned on the clippers. “I do my own hair all the time. I’m kind of an expert.”

            “Do it,” Blaine nodded, covering his face with his hands as Puck got closer.

            Everyone let out a gasp when Puck took off the first strip of hair. Kurt’s hands flailed in the air for a minute and his eyes got huge.

            “That tickles!” Blaine gasped and lowered his hands.

            “Can I do it?” Finn bounced up and down, grinning.

            “Sorry Finn. Puck’s done this a few times and I’d rather him do it than someone who shot themselves during basic training,” Blaine said as Puck shaved off more. “No offense.”

            “Fair point,” Finn watched with wide eyes as Puck kept going.

            “Okay,” Puck stepped back. “All done.”

            Blaine ran his hands over his head, brushing off the remaining hair. He paused before running his hands over the skin again.

            “That is so weird.”

            “You have a nice shaped head though,” Finn said. “Can I rub it?”

            “Go ahead,” Blaine smiled as Finn excitedly rubbed his head.

            He glanced up to Kurt who was still staring at him with huge eyes.

            “Kurt?” His smiled faded, suddenly afraid that Kurt was horrified.

            “You look so different!” His heart dropped. “I mean…it doesn’t look bad. It just looks really different.”

            He hurried to the bathroom and grabbed a small hand mirror, bringing it in.

            “Oh,” Blaine’s eyes widened when he finally got a good look at himself. After years of complaining about his hair he thought it would be relieving to have it gone.

            It just reminded him that he was sick.

            “It’s strange,” Blaine rubbed his head, not recognizing himself. “It doesn’t feel like me.”

            “I feel like I just crossed off something on my bucket list,” Puck sighed. “We really do have to go though…Finn has English in like ten minutes.”

            “Oh crap!”

            They sped out of the room, tossing goodbyes over their shoulders and running into confused nurses. For a long moment the room was silent as Blaine studied himself in the mirror.

            “This sounds strange but I’ve never really associated myself with being sick,” He whispered. “It’s like there’s me and there is the sad Blaine who has cancer…now that I see myself like this…it kind of hits home.”

            Kurt gently rubbed his head and kissed the top, smiling against the skin.

            “It looks good,” Kurt sat on the bed. “I don’t see you as a sad sick boy. I see my handsome, perfect boyfriend.”

            Blaine leaned forward to kiss him.

            “Oh God!” The gasp from the door made them jerk back and they both looked at a wide eyed Cooper. “What the hell happened?”

            That evening Burt and Carole arrived with pizzas for everyone and a bowl of soup for Blaine. After everyone rubbed Blaine’s head and remarked on how good it looked, they all got to eating.

            “It’s cold,” Blaine scrunched his nose up a little as Cooper rubbed his head for the tenth time.

            “It feels like a peach,” His brother smiled.

            “Here,” Burt stood up and pulled off his hat, placing it on Blaine’s head. “Not cold anymore?”

            “Oh I can’t take this,” Blaine pulled it off, trying to hand it back. “The hospital has some kind of charity hats for cancer patients thing. I’ll get just get one from them.”

            “Kiddo, this hat got me through my cancer,” Burt put it back on Blaine’s head. “It’s good luck.”

            Blaine smiled up at him, eyes a little shiny.

            Again, his least favorite side effect showed up and Blaine felt his head bobbing forward, eyes sliding closed.

            “We should probably go,” Carole gave him a kiss on top of the head.

            “Thanks for coming,” Blaine gave them all a sleepy smile and gave his boyfriend a soft kiss before they left.

            “Go to sleep baby boy,” Lisa smiled at him and pulled off the cap, placing it on the table. “We’ll sleep in the pull out and Cooper is moving a cot in.”

            “You don’t have to stay,” Blaine mumbled, hardly able to keep his eyes open.

            “We want to,” His dad gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Go to sleep.”

            Moments later he was fast asleep.

            At four in the morning Blaine jerked awake with a horrible gasp. He tried desperately to suck in air but he couldn’t. He couldn’t breathe. All he could taste was blood and every desperate attempt to choke down air failed.

            He was dying.

            This was what dying was like.

            It was a terrible cyclone of terror, blood, and hands trying to move him.

            “Blaine!” He could hear his father shouting as he sobbed in fear.

            Fingers pinched his nose closed and he began to thrash in raw horror. Someone was trying to suffocate him.

            “Just breathe baby,” He heard his mom and whimpered. “Breathe.”

            “Momma?” He choked out desperately, struggling against the hands holding him down. “Mommy?”

            “Breathe baby boy, just breathe,” He heard her voice hitch with a sob.

            Finally he was able to gulp in a desperate breath and coughed the blood out of his throat. The fingers kept his nose pinched tightly closed but with every second he was able to take deep breaths.

            “Open your eyes,” He recognized his nurse Tammy’s voice and opened his eyes to look around, dazed.

            “You’re okay,” She gave him a warm smile and kept his head held up by holding his nose. “You’re fine. You had a really bad nosebleed. You’re okay.”

            The panic began to seep out of his muscles and Blaine felt himself sag back against the pillows. Tammy released him and nodded, making a humming noise.

            Feeling dizzy, Blaine glanced over to his mother who was holding his hand tightly. Her eyes were wide and scared, as were his father’s. Blood covered her hands and they were trembling. Cooper stood at the foot of his bed, hand curled around his ankle and face deathly pale.

            His eyes traveled down and he saw the surprising amount of blood covering his shirt, blanket, pillows and sheets.

            “What happened?” His voice was thick.

            “You had a nosebleed,” Tammy gave him a soft smile. “It happens sometimes. The chemo is making you lose some hairs in your nose and you’re platelets are low. I’ll let the doctor know and we’ll adjust your meds. Hon, I’m going to get your some orange juice and let you take a shower.”

            “A shower?” Blaine frowned, hazy mind struggling to keep up.

            “Your covered in blood Blainers,” Cooper mumbled.

            “Ah…”

            Tammy returned with a boxed orange juice, putting the straw in and holding it up to his mouth.

            “Drink,” She said and he shook his head.

            “No, I just want to sleep.”

            “Hon, you need to drink it,” She practically forced the straw between his lips and he swallowed a few gulps. The orange juice felt good sliding down his throat and the tartness covered the overwhelming taste of blood.

            “Better?” His mother gave him a shaky smile as he nodded.

            “Mmhmm,” He nodded.

            “Guess you’re not up to taking a shower?” Tammy said with a soft smile as Blaine shook his head.

            He dozed off for a few minutes before a warm wet cloth began cleaning the blood off his face. Blaine barely blinked awake to see his mother with the washcloth before he slipped back into the blackness.


	7. Chapter 7

           Blaine felt like he was spiraling downwards.

            In the middle of his third week, Blaine got a virus. In the past he had gotten a little cold now and again and while it would knock him down for a bit he would spring back up but this time it was different.

            He was running a constant high fever, shaking constantly and had a horrible cough. As soon as his fever started rising his visitors were limited and everyone who could come in had to wear a mask.

            Kurt had begged for a few days off of work when Blaine started getting sick and spent every minute with his boyfriend.

At first, Blaine was almost delirious with the fever.

“Kurt?” He asked, voice hoarse before he dissolved into another coughing fit.

“Here baby,” Kurt grabbed a cup of water and held a straw to his lips. “Drink?”

“What is it?”

“Just water,” Kurt gave him a soft smile as Blaine’s hazy eyes slid around the room. “Drink up.”

“Why are you wearing that?” Blaine asked after he took a few sips, reaching a trembling hand up to brush across the mask.

“Because you’re sick,” Kurt ran a thumb across his cheekbone.

“’m I gonna die?” He asked, dazed.

Kurt’s heart stopped. Maybe Blaine had heard the doctor talking to the Andersons and him last night when they thought he was sleeping about how important it was to bring down the fever.

“No,” Kurt cupped his cheek with his gloved hand. “You’re not going to die. You’ll be just fine.”

“Don’t feel like it,” Blaine let out a deep, horrible cough. His thin body jerked with every hack. “Think ‘m dying.”

“You’re very sick,” Kurt sat down in a chair next to him. “They’re pumping you full of medicine. You’ll be okay.”

“Kurt,” Blaine’s eyes cleared for a moment. “I need to tell you something.”

“You need to go to sleep.”

“I’m scared to sleep,” Blaine whimpered, eyes filling with tears. “I’m scared I wont wake up.”

“Of course you will,” He took Blaine’s hand in his own, wishing he could hold his hand without the gloves. “The doctor said this is normal and not a big deal. You’ll be fine.”

“If I die…”

“You are not going to die,” Kurt shook his head. “Don’t talk like that.”

“I want you to date someone else,” Blaine’s face was so serious that Kurt felt his throat tighten. “I know you’re all about the romance and we love each other but I want you to be happy. I want you to fall in love with someone else and marry them and have babies and grow old together.”

“Stop…”

“Don’t be sad,” Tears trickled down Blaine’s cheeks. “I love you so much and I don’t want you to be sad forever.”

“Look at me,” Kurt took his jaw in his hands. “You are not going to die. I am not about to start planning my life without you in it because you are always going to be in it. No more. I promised I would never say goodbye to you and I don’t plan on starting.”

“Okay.”

Kurt sat back in his chair, tears dotting the mask.

“Don’t cry,” Blaine mumbled, looking like he was falling asleep.

“I’m not,” Kurt said softly and Blaine smiled sleepily.

“Liar,” He said as he fell asleep.

A few days later, Blaine’s fever broke and while he was better his stamina was almost gone. He tried as hard as he could but could barely stay awake. Even going to the bathroom was enough to earn and hour long nap.

But he didn’t seem to remember their conversation they had earlier that week.

Kurt didn’t know if he had just not noticed how he was quiet around Blaine yet or if he was just too tired to care. Every time he glanced over at his boyfriend he remembered that quiet conversation and his chest clenched.

What if Blaine didn’t make it? His dad might have beaten the cancer but people died from cancer all the time.

“What are you thinking about?” Kurt jumped at Blaine’s soft voice.

“Why hello Sleeping Beauty,” He teased, squeezing his knee.

“Maybe a kiss would help me stay awake.”

“Can’t with the mask,” Kurt sighed and Blaine rolled his eyes.

Maybe it was the fear of losing Blaine that made him feel like this. Maybe it was how scared Blaine sounded. Maybe it was the idea of losing Blaine that made him feel that way.

Maybe it was the way that Blaine made it sound like he had nothing to look forward to.

“Can I ask again what you’re thinking about?” Blaine smiled.

“I want to get married to you,” Kurt blurted, surprising himself almost as much as he surprised Blaine.

“What?” He pushed himself up a little, wincing as the IV line jerked on the port a little.

“I…I want to marry you,” Kurt felt like his mouth was dry.

“Kurt…” Blaine’s eyes became sad. “I just…not until it’s a secure thing you know?”

“What? Your life?” Kurt frowned. “We can’t get married until we know you’re not going to die?”

“It sounds less horrible to say your boyfriend died of cancer than your fiancé did,” Blaine whispered.

“I could be hit by a bus tomorrow. I could have a heart attack. I could choke on my dinner,” Kurt took his hand. “I don’t know what the future holds. I do know that I want to marry you.”

“Kurt…” Blaine’s eyes flooded with tears.

“Will you marry me?” Kurt squeezed his hand. “I don’t care about the future. I don’t want to live my life based on what could happen.”

“Yes,” Blaine nodded, tears running down his cheeks. He smiled shakily. “Yes. I will.”

Kurt grinned widely and picked up his thin hand, pressing it to his lips over the mask.

“I want something to look forward to,” Kurt whispered. “I can’t stand spending every day like this.”

Blaine pressed their foreheads together and sighed.

“I love you,” He said softly. “You say we now have something to look forward to but I’ve had something for a long time. I know every time I wake up I’ll see your face or hear your laugh. That’s what I look forward to.”

“I love you too,” Kurt reached over to place the hat on Blaine’s head. “I wasn’t able to get out of work tomorrow morning so I have to leave tonight.”

“That’s fine,” Blaine smiled. “I’ll look forward to seeing my fiancé tomorrow.”

Kurt felt like his entire body was so much lighter the entire drive home. He found himself smiling slightly as he picked at dinner with his family.

“I have something I need to say,” He spoke up during a lull in the conversation. “I asked Blaine to marry me today and he said yes.”

The silence that followed was deafening.

“Oh,” Carole put down her fork. “Kurt…”

“I know,” Kurt looked around quickly. “I know. He’s so sick but I…I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We both need something to aim for…to look forward to.”

“Kurt,” His father rubbed a hand over his face.

“I know it’s reckless and sudden but it feels so right.”

“Losing your mother almost killed me,” Burt said softly. “I loved her so much and losing her was the worst thing I can imagine.”

“And losing my husband, even though we weren’t as close at the time, tore something inside of me,” Carole looked so sad that Kurt felt himself deflate a little.

“Why does everyone just assume he’s going to die?” Kurt snapped, angry.

“We’re not…”

“Saying he’s my fiancé shows that there is a future. That he is going to live until our wedding,” He felt tears welling in his eyes. “Because when I picture my future he is in it.”

“And you’re sure?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been in my life,” Kurt nodded.

“Okay,” Burt shrugged and then smiled. “So I now have a son-in-law?”

“Almost,” Kurt smiled, relief crashing over him like a wave when he saw that Carole was smiling as well. “Hopefully soon.”

“Good. I always did like Blaine,” Burt gave Kurt a warm smile. “Did you get him a ring?”

“Oh…no…it was kind of a spur of the moment kind of thing…”

“You didn’t get him a ring? I’ll see if Louis can take care of the shop tomorrow. We’re going shopping,” Burt started cutting into his chicken. 


	8. Chapter 8

        Blaine startled awake when his cell phone buzzed loudly on the bedside table. He glanced around to see that he was alone and reached for his phone.

            “Hello?” He winced at how rough his voice sounded.

            “Sorry bro! Did I just interrupt you in the middle of gargling sand?” He smiled at Sam’s teasing. “How are you?”

            “I feel like I’m gargling sand,” He leaned back. “But a billion times worse.”

            “Sorry I haven’t called or visited. It’s been crazy over here with midterms and stuff,” Sam had gone to OSU for a degree in business. “Math is like super hard in college. I wish you were here to tutor me.”

            “Believe me I would rather be in math class than sitting in this hospital for three and a half weeks,” Blaine groaned.

            “Dude that sucks,” Sam sighed. “And Puck said that you’re losing your hair?”

            “Yes,” Blaine sighed, feeling his heart sink. “It kind of sucks.”

            “I bet well…” He jumped as Sam leapt into the hospital room. “SURPRISE!”

            “No way!” Blaine grinned widely and sat up to hug his friend.

            “Sorry, I just wanted to make you feel a little better,” Sam shrugged off his coat but kept his beanie on. “I heard you were feeling down.”

            “Cancer isn’t exactly a thrill ride,” Blaine scoffed. “But I’m almost done. A week and a half and I can go home.”

            “Sweet!”

            “You have no idea. I’m pretty sure my ass has molded to this bed,” Blaine rolled his eyes. “How is school?”

            “Cold.”

            “Cold?” He raised his eyebrows.

            “Yeah,” Sam smiled up to pull off his beanie. “I mean…I love supporting my best friend and all but my head is cold.”

            Blaine stared at him in open mouthed shock as Sam ran his hand over his shaven head. He felt his chest tighten slightly and tears gather in his eyes.

            “What…why?”

            “You’re my best friend. I know you really liked it and didn’t want you to go through that on your own,” He gave Blaine a grin. “So, I wanted to support and supporting is cold.”

            “Sam…”

            “But we look like Professor X so it’s really cool.”

            “Sorry,” Blaine took in a shaky breath and looked down at his lap, tears dotting the blanket. “Shit…sorry.”

            “It’s cool,” Sam reached over and squeezed his thin shoulder. “You’re doing better right?”

            “I’m so tired all the time,” Blaine sighed, wiping his tears. “The chemo just wipes me out and thankfully we found a medication to help with the nausea so I’m not puking constantly.”

            “Good,” Sam looked so compassionate that Blaine felt himself smile. “What happens after next week?”

            “I get tested again to see if the cancer is still there.”

            Sam fell silent, eyes widening slightly.

            “I’m sure you’ll be fine,” He sat back, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re awesome man, you’ll be fine.”

            Blaine gave him a small smile before leaning forward to rub his head a little, grin widening. Sam batted his hands away, pretending to be angry but his eyes sparkled.

            “So I have comic books that I know you’ll love,” Sam pulled a huge stack out of his backpack and Blaine smiled, loving that someone was finally treating him like the person he was before he got sick.

            The next week crawled by in excruciating slowness. Blaine spent the time he was awake staring at the dripping of the chemotherapy into the IV. Most days Sam came with him to read comic books and Kurt spent the days sitting next to him in bed watching TV as they talked excitedly about the edition they were reading.

            “And done!” Tammy cheered as she pulled out the IV.

            The Anderson and Hummel families surrounded him, cheering as Blaine shot the IV drip a dirty look.

            “Thank God!” He groaned.

            “I’m just going to take some blood for the test and then I’ll hand it to Pauline,” Blaine watched as the blood filled up the vials. “Think happy thoughts.”

            With a wink, Tammy walked into the hall and the waiting game began.

            With every second that passed by Blaine felt his nerves get worse and squirmed.

            “It’s going to be fine,” Andrew gave his son a warm smile, tapping the bill of the hat resting on his head. “Pauline is going to come back in with that negative test.”

            “Absolutely,” Kurt smiled but Blaine could see the strain at the corners.

            His mom sat down at his side and took his hand, squeezing. Cooper bounced on the balls of his feet and Carole kept smoothing down her skirt.

            “I might believe that if everyone stopped looking so nervous,” Blaine tried to hide his smile as everyone looked over at him, wide eyed. Cooper was the first to crack a grin and laugh and the tension dissolved almost instantly.

            “I’m just excited to go home,” He sighed, smiling at his mother. “And eat some chocolate cake. And be able to keep down the chocolate cake. And to gel my hair.”

            “That’s not happening,” Kurt mumbled.

            “We’ll see,” Blaine gave him a smile and squeezed his hand. The group chatted happily, joking and laughing as they waited.

            “Hey doc!” Burt called out when Pauline stepped back into the room with a file in hand. “Tell us the good news.”

            She didn’t smile.

            “Blaine,” She started softly and he felt his heart skip a beat. “We went over the tests and found that the white blood cells and blast cells have not gone down.”

            “What does that mean?” Lisa asked softly, Blaine finding that his voice was gone.

            “It means that the cancer was resilient and the chemotherapy was not effective,” She looked down at the papers and everyone was absolutely silent.

            “So…the treatment didn’t work?” Kurt asked shakily.

            “I’m afraid not.”

            “You told me I had three months,” Blaine’s voice cracked. “You said only three months and that was a month ago. Am I going to die? Are you telling us there isn’t any hope?”

            “We can try a stronger kind of chemotherapy but it usually doesn’t work very well. Our best chance is a bone marrow transplant,” Pauline leaned towards him. “I’ve put you on the transplant list but the chances of a match are about one in five hundred and forty with anonymous donors.”

            “But we don’t have a lot of time,” Blaine could hardly feel how his mother’s and Kurt’s hands tightened on his.

            “Yes,” Her bluntness was a little grounding.

            “What about us?” Lisa said shakily, tears running down her cheeks. “Can his father or I donate?”

            “We test for a type of antigen called the HLA. We get half of our HLA genes from each parent so there is only a fifty percent chance,” She suddenly looked incredibly serious. “If there is not a good match there is a risk of graft versus host disease and that is almost always fatal.”

            “If half of these genes come from each parent I could have the same match right?” Cooper asked softly. “I mean…could I match Blaine?”

            “It’s a much better chance. I can test everyone just to see if there is a match,” She tried to give them a reassuring smile. “It’s very simple, all we have to do is a cheek swab.”

            “Okay! Okay! Can we do it now?” Cooper asked quickly, eyes wide and glassy with tears.

            “We’ll get some kits set up.”

            Blaine felt like his head was filled with cotton as he looked around the room.

            Burt’s jaw was tense and he was squeezing a teary eyed Carole’s hand in a tight grip.

            His mother was openly sobbing and his father was holding her shoulders, tears shining in his eyes as well.

            Cooper was talking quickly to Pauline, following her to get the test done.

            And Kurt.

            Kurt was sitting in the chair next to him, stone faced and pale. He was squeezing his hands together but Blaine could still see them shaking. His wide blue eyes were locked on the engagement ring on Blaine’s left hand.

            They had been laughing just a few minutes ago.

            Just a few minutes ago they were happy.

            Just a few minutes ago he was going to be fine. 


	9. Chapter 9

           “So, Pauline said that without a transplant there is almost a one hundred percent chance of fatality in the next few months,” Blaine said softly, making Kurt glance up from his magazine. “And with the transplant it’s like a thirty to fifty percent chance of survival.”

            “I know Blaine,” Kurt’s voice sounded tight.

            “I just wanted you to know,” He whispered and jumped when Kurt slammed the magazine down.

            “I know Blaine! I know! Maybe I don’t like to talk about it?” He snapped, making Blaine stare. “I don’t like thinking that everything I’ve ever planned in my life involved you and now it may not happen.”

            “I want you to know it’s a possibility.”

            “I’m very aware. Every day…every day I drive to the hospital from work or home and I break down. I want you to be happy and confident and if…if anything happens I don’t want my last few days with you to be with me crying,” Kurt’s voice cracked.

            “I just love you so much.”

            “You’re my world,” Kurt wiped at his eyes.

            “You’re mine.”

            They stared at each other for a long time before Kurt leaned forward to press a lingering kiss against his lips. Kurt pulled back and rested his hand on Blaine’s head.

            “I have a question though,” Kurt sat back and took his hand. “In the beginning you were given the option to freeze your sperm…why did you say no?”

            “Leukemia can be genetic,” Blaine shrugged.

            “That’s not it though.”

            “I just…I’m scared to plan for a tomorrow because I don’t want to let you down,” He blinked furiously. “I didn’t want them to save my sperm and then die. I didn’t want to bring up hope of having kids with you if it never happened.”

            “I can’t…”

            “We can’t keep ignoring that possibility,” Blaine took his hands. “Kurt, I’m scared. I’m scared and I don’t want to die but I have no control over this.”

            “Blaine…” Tears started trickling down his cheeks.

            “I’m not ready to die.”

            “You wont,” Kurt shook his head sharply.

            “You don’t know that,” Blaine shrugged.

            “I do,” Kurt smiled and took both of his hands. “I wont let you die.”

            Blaine smiled and pressed Kurt’s hands to his lips, smiling against the skin. They lay there, holding each other for as long as they could before Cooper walked in with Pauline, grinning brightly.

            “Guess who is a match?!” He raised his hands in the air. “Me!”

            “Seriously?” Kurt and Blaine asked at the same time.

            “You’re very lucky Blaine,” Pauline laughed, clapping Cooper on the back. “Very few people actually get the transplant they need. Now, we just prepare for about two weeks with chemotherapy and radiation.”

            “Wait,” Blaine frowned. “I just finished chemo.”

            “We have to give you a much higher dose. To give the transplant the best chance we have to basically kill all the cells in your bone marrow and we have to bring down your immune system so you don’t reject it,” Pauline leaned forward to gently pat his leg. “We’re going to move you to a sterile room for the next two weeks.”

            “Two weeks!”

            “This is our last chance. I’m not going to let anything sabotage your treatment,” She said seriously. “This is good Blaine. This is good.”

            “But…match!” Cooper jumped up and down. “Told you! In your face!”

            “I wasn’t betting against you,” Blaine laughed, leaning forward to high five his brother.

            “I have to go tell mom and dad,” Cooper grinned and with a final wave, sprinted out of the door.

            Tears instantly filled Blaine’s eyes and he bowed his head, covering his face with his hands. His entire body shook with sobs and he curled up slightly.

            “Honey, tell me what you’re thinking,” Pauline said in her soft voice.

            “I’m just…there’s like a finish line now,” He muttered. “Before it was just treatment and then nothing but now it’s like…in two weeks I’m going to know if I’m going to live or die.”

            “We have to keep positive,” She moved to rub his shoulder and Kurt took his hand.

            “I’m never going to get married,” Blaine sobbed out. “I’m never going to hold my child. I’m never going to sing on Broadway. I’m never going to grow old. I’m never going to travel out of the country.”

            “You don’t know that,” Kurt whispered.

            “I’m nineteen,” He gasped, feeling Pauline gently rubbing his back. “I’m only nineteen.”

            “You’ll be okay,” Kurt’s voice cracked.

            “I’ve been though so much shit in my life,” He sniffed, wiping his eyes. “I mean I thought maybe life would cut me a break, let me be happy…”

            “And look at everything you’ve accomplished,” Kurt pulled him forward to press their foreheads together. “Look at how much we have accomplished together. You can do this and I will be there every moment.”

            Blaine took in a shaky breath, grabbing Kurt’s hands like they were his lifeline.

            “You can do this,” Kurt whispered. “You are the strongest, bravest man I know.”

            “Okay,” Blaine nodded. “Let’s start treatment.”

            Days later Blaine was praying to go back and refuse the treatment. He was unbearably achy and could hardly move without being in tears. He had thrown up everything he had eaten or drank so his stomach was constantly cramped.

            As much as he appreciated his family, Kurt, or Sam there he could barely stay away long enough to talk and when he was he was in too much pain to focus.

            “So it’s not fair,” Sam ranted, face obscured with a Spiderman infection control mask he had snatched from pediatrics. “How do superheroes get exposed to extremely high doses of radiation and get superpowers but when regular people do it…”

“Gives them cancer,” Blaine sighed, eyes still closed.

            “Exactly!”

            “I would much rather be able to fly or read minds or something.”

            “I think I would want to have laser eyes,” Sam pointed in front of his eyes.

            “That would be cool. But I think…” Blaine’s body lurched for a moment and he surged forward. Sam jumped up to grab his shoulder as Blaine threw up the applesauce he had for lunch into the pan he had constantly by his side.

            “You okay man?” Sam asked gently, moving the pan aside as Blaine flopped back down.

            “Fine,” His voice was hoarse. “I would want the superpower to stop fucking puking.”

            “I’d want the power to stop you from puking,” Blaine gave his friend a grateful smile.

            “I hate to say this man,” Blaine stretched a little, wincing as his joints stretched painfully. “But I’m like two seconds from passing out.”

            “Take a nap then,” Sam shrugged and sat back down. “I need to work on my paper for English anyway.”

            For days Blaine went in and out of deep sleep or pain. He knew his family was there. He knew Kurt was there, holding his hand in his gloved hand. He knew his friends were there. But everything just blurred together.

            Some things stood out.

            A week after he started treatment he struggled so badly for breath that he had to get supplemental oxygen.

            Around the same time it was confirmed that Cooper was the best match and his surgery was scheduled.

            But the moment that Blaine would remember forever was a few days before the treatment took place.

            “We should get married,” Blaine said softly when they were curled up on the bed together, his fingers making small circles on Kurt’s gown clad shoulder.

            “We are engaged,” Kurt laughed and Blaine smiled as his head moved with Kurt’s chest. “We’ve already gotten to that step.”

            “I mean…we should get married now,” Blaine forced himself to sit up. “Like with a priest and everything. Now.”

            “What?” Kurt’s brow furrowed.

            “Two months ago gay marriage was legalized in Ohio. I know we planned to get married in New York but this is fate. We’re supposed to be married here,” He smiled warmly at Kurt.

            “We can wait until after the transplant,” Kurt rubbed his thumb along Blaine’s cheekbone.

            “I don’t want to wait,” Blaine’s eyes got teary but he smiled. “I don’t. We don’t know what’s going to happen after the transplant. I want to spend at least some time with you as my husband.”

            “Blaine…”

            “I don’t want to spend another second without you as my husband and my seconds might be very limited,” Blaine ran his fingers through Kurt’s hair. “I want to say you’re my husband.”

            “Okay,” Kurt said breathlessly, nodding. “Let’s just prepare. We’ll set up a phone tree and get people down here. I’ll get things prepared…give me three hours.”

            “Three hours?” Blaine grinned. “I thought I knew you.”

            “One and a half,” Kurt laughed and ran out of the door, leaving Blaine to call as many people as he knew.

            Exactly an hour and a half later there was a sea of yellow gowns and surgical masks. Everyone who wasn’t able to make it was set up on Skype on computers around the room. Since he wasn’t table to get real flowers into the containment room he had to get everyone he could to make flowers out of anything they could. Soft music played from the iPod set up in the corner and the sweet, elderly hospital chaplain smiled at them.

            Kurt still had to wear his hospital gown, mask, and gloves and Blaine was too weak to get out of bed so they had to sit cross-legged, facing each other on the bed.

            “I know this is last minute,” The chaplain said warmly. “But these two young men are obviously in love and love doesn’t wait for us to keep up. Our two grooms are going to say their vows now.”

            “I’ll go first,” Kurt broke in, getting a wide grin in response. “I think about how lucky I am all the time. How lucky I was to grab you out of all the boys on that staircase. How lucky I was that you loved me back. How lucky I was that you said yes when I asked you to marry me.

            You encouraged me to have courage and I have never seen so much courage than in these past few weeks. Every day I love you more and I want to spend many more days with you.”

            “That was good,” Blaine grinned and ducked his head. “Um…how can I follow that…we’ve had some rocky issues in the past but we’ve always gotten through them. When I’m with you I am better. We make each other better. You’ve made me so strong these past few weeks and without you…I wouldn’t be here.”

            “So,” The chaplain said after a pause. “Do you Kurt Elizabeth Hummel take Blaine Devon Anderson to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

            “Yes, yes, yes!” Kurt bounced a little on the bed, making everyone laugh.

            “And do you Blaine…”

            “Yes!”

            “Well you are husband and husband! You may now kiss the groom!” The chaplain stepped back as the room exploded with cheers.

            They paused for a moment, knowing that they couldn’t actually kiss so Kurt brought Blaine’s hand up and pressed his lips to it through his mask as Blaine did the same to his gloved hand.

            They held hands as they were congratulated.

            They held hands as the cake wheeled in (yogurt covered pretzels since they were one of the few things that Blaine could eat).

            They held hands as the happy couple did a toast with plastic champagne glasses filled with orange juice.

            “I am so proud to be your husband,” Kurt whispered to Blaine as he leaned against his shoulder, half asleep.

            “I’m sorry this wasn’t the wedding you dreamed of,” Blaine took his hand, squeezing it.

            “It was perfect,” Kurt rested his chin on the top of Blaine’s head. “It was perfect because it was with you. I don’t need fancy flowers or a huge cake, I just need you.”

            “I’m here,” Blaine smiled, obviously exhausted but trying to stay awake. “I’m still here.”

 


	10. Chapter 10

          “Coop? Can I talk to you?” Blaine called out as everyone filed out of his room at night. “Just for a bit.”

            “Sure,” Cooper nodded, waving to his parents and Kurt before taking a seat. “What’s up?”

            “I just wanted to ask…” He grunted as he forced himself into a seated position. “Ask how you were feeling about tomorrow?”

            “Fine,” Cooper shrugged.

            “Fine?” Blaine fixed him with a stare. “You can’t handle watching me get my IV, how are you going to be able to get anesthesia and have two giant needles insert into your pelvis and…”

            “La, la, la!” Cooper covered his ears, turning a strange shade of green.

            “See! I don’t want you to do it,” Blaine sighed. “You’re going to go through all that pain and…”

            “Blaine,” Cooper took his hands. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to be unconscious the entire time so don’t worry. Even if I wasn’t put under anesthesia I would still do it.”

            “Thank you,” Blaine whispered, voice cracking. “You…you might be saving my life.”

            “I’m glad I can,” Cooper smiled behind his mask. “I’d do anything for you.”

            “I don’t know how I’ll pay you back for this.”

            “Let me tell you how,” He leaned in closer to his brother. “You can move back to New York with your husband. You can have children. You can sing on Broadway. You can go to your grandchildren’s baseball games or ballet recitals. You can grow old. That’s how you are going to pay me back.”

            Blaine nodded tearfully before he was scooped up into a tight hug.

            “I love you,” He whispered.

            “Love you too baby brother,” Cooper’s voice was thick. “After the procedure I’ll come here as soon as I can.”

            “Good luck,” Blaine smiled up at him.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cooper rubbed the top of his head. “Sleep tight. You’ve fought so hard and after tomorrow it’s just downhill. You’ll be okay soon.”

            “Night.”

            Except Cooper was so not okay.

            “So there are two needles?” He asked, voice slightly squeaky and foot bouncing nervously.

            He was laying on an uncomfortable mattress in the pre-op room dressed in a gown and surrounded by nurses. At first, he was calm but with the nurse carrying around all the needles his calmness was vanishing quickly.

            “The needle for the IV is rather large,” The nurse’s eyes widened when Cooper paled. “So we inject you with a numbing agent to make the IV easier.”

            “Okay, okay,” Cooper’s eyes flickered to Kurt and his parents. “I’m fine. Let’s get this party started.”

            “Want me to hold your hand?” Kurt tried to hide his smile. “I’m here in the place of Blaine for moral support so I’m happy to help.”

            “Nope,” Cooper shook his head quickly. “It isn’t helpful that you look so nervous mom.”

            “You’ll be fine sweetie,” She paused from biting her nails and gave him a smile. Andrew shifted from foot to foot, looking all around the room.

            “Okay, stick me,” Cooper held out his hand and the nurse smiled, quickly injecting his hand with the numbing agent.

            “We’ll be here when you wake up,” Lisa gave him a kiss on the forehead as the anesthesiologist started his IV.

            “Yeah,” Cooper’s eyes started growing heavy. “I’ll be okay. Blaine will be okay.”

            “Because of you,” Lisa smiled.

            Cooper’s head bobbed forward and he jerked back with wide eyes. It was almost comical to watch him struggle against the anesthesia before he sagged against the pillows and fell asleep.  

            “We’ll take good care of him,” The anesthesiologist smiled as they unlocked the wheels on his bed. “I’ll call you when the procedure is over.”

            They left the pre-op room to find Burt and Carole waiting. Lisa gave them both a smile and hug before happily accepting Carole’s offer to go get coffee.

            “You alright?” Burt asked Andrew who sighed.

            “It’s strange,” He shrugged. “I love my sons, both of them. I had…trouble accepting Blaine and I know I struggle to connect with him.”

            Kurt crossed his arms over his chest when Andrew’s eyes flickered over to him. He had never felt particularly comfortable around Blaine’s father. Andrew was a quiet man who kept to himself most of the time, never making an effort to really talk to Kurt.

            “But I feel like the only time I spend time with Blaine is when he is in the hospital,” Tears filled his eyes and he let out a sharp huff. “He was in a coma after the attack and we didn’t know if he was going to make it or be the same. Now this?”

            Burt reached forward to place a hand on Andrew’s shoulder and squeezed.

            “It’s not fair and every second reminds me that I’ve never actually taken the time to talk to him,” Andrew shook his head. “I was always just…waiting for another day.”

            “So today is that day,” Burt smiled. “Blaine is an amazing kid.”

            “Tell Lisa I went to see him?” Andrew took a step back and smiled when the Hummels nodded.

            “Blaine?” Andrew gently shook him, dressed in his contamination gear. “Son?”

            “Dad?” Blaine blinked awake. “What’s wrong? Is Cooper okay?”

            “Cooper just went in, he only had a slight panic attack with the needles,” Andrew chuckled. “How are you feeling?”

            “Nervous,” Blaine bit his lip. “The transplant is tomorrow and it is the last thing we can try.”

            “It’ll be fine,” He took a seat next to the bed as they lapsed into an awkward silence. “You know I love you, right?”

            “Yeah,” Blaine nodded, looking confused.

            “I don’t say it enough but I love you and your brother more than anything,” Andrew reached forward to tap his chin with his finger. “I’m so proud of everything you’ve done and how strong you are. I just want you to know that I am happy to have Kurt as a son-in-law and am so glad that you’ve found happiness because you make my happy.”

            “I love you too,” Blaine smiled.

            “I’ve been distant because your being gay felt like something that I couldn’t understand and honestly, it made me uncomfortable. After this, I’ve realized that it was such a stupid little thing that kept us apart,” Blaine’s eyes swam with tears.

            “I thought you hated me for it,” He whispered.

            “I could never hate you. You’re my son and I will never stop loving you,” Andrew rubbed his leg through the blanket. “So, you’ve never backed down before. I know you are going to kick this cancer in the ass.”

            “That’s the plan,” Blaine smiled.

            They stayed up talking for almost an hour, Blaine relaxing and finally smiling with his father. Blaine showed his father a few pictures and videos from NYADA and Andrew was stunned at how talented his son was.

            “When you get your first role on Broadway, even if you’re just a chorus singer, I want tickets to opening night,” Andrew grinned and Blaine beamed at him.

            It was a start.

            Kurt slid back into the room when he was almost asleep and slipped under the sheets with him. Smiling, Blaine turned towards him and rested his head against his husband’s chest.

            “I’m pretty sure my dad just said goodbye to me,” Blaine muttered.

            “He was really upset earlier,” Kurt rubbed against his back. “He just realized that he needed to talk to you soon.”

            “Because I’m going to die.”

            “Shut up,” Kurt slapped him in the chest.

            “Don’t hit me! I have cancer!”

            “And you’re moping!” Kurt pressed his mouth through the mask to the top of his head. “I wont let my husband mope.”

            Blaine smiled softly and reached to rub his fingertips over Kurt’s ring through the gloves.

            “God, I can’t wait to kiss you as my husband.”

            “I can’t wait to have sex,” Kurt sighed and Blaine let out a surprised laugh. “Seriously. We haven’t consummated the marriage.”

            “Well with all of what we did when we moved into the apartment together,” Blaine teased. “Poor Rachel and Santana.”

            “Mm, that sounds like fun,” Kurt smiled. “So, that’s what is on our list for when you get better? Sex?”

            “And cheesecake,” Blaine yawned. “Maybe at the same time.”

            “Whatever my baby wants,” Kurt chuckled and smiled when he felt Blaine’s breathing even out as he fell asleep.

            The next morning everyone gathered around his hospital bed, including Cooper who limped in and sat instantly.

            “How are you feeling?” Blaine asked.

            “Totally fine,” Cooper shrugged and winced.

            “Fine?”

            “No it hurts like hell,” Cooper groaned. “But I got juice and graham crackers when I woke up by a super hot nurse so it’s all good.”

            “Of course he was drooling,” Lisa giggled at the dirty glare her son shot her.

            Pauline walked in with a IV pole and smiled at the group gathered around Blaine’s bed.

            “Ready to get this started?” She grinned, moving the bone marrow to his bedside. “It’ll only take an hour and you wont feel anything.”

            “Sounds easy,” Blaine’s lips twitched.

            “Ready?” She held the needle over his port and pushed it in without a problem. “I’m going to start it.”

            Every person in the room watched as the bone marrow started flowing through the port. Pauline nodded, looking pleased and wrote something down in her chart.

            “Okay,” Blaine looked up towards the ceiling, shaking slightly. “Okay.”

            Without a word, Kurt slid next to him on the bed and gathered him in his arms. The tears started flowing and Kurt hummed softly as he held him.

            “It is emotional,” Pauline said softly. “I know. What are you feeling?”

            “I hate it but I’m scared,” Blaine let out a shaky laugh and Lisa quickly held a hand up to her mouth. “I’m terrified.”

            “You’re okay,” Kurt whispered. “I love you so much.”

            “I love you too,” Blaine squeezed his hand.

            “So…we just wait?” Cooper asked, watching them with wide eyes as Pauline nodded. “Okay…we’ll wait.”


	11. Chapter 11

          “Coop? Can I talk to you?” Blaine called out as everyone filed out of his room at night. “Just for a bit.”

            “Sure,” Cooper nodded, waving to his parents and Kurt before taking a seat. “What’s up?”

            “I just wanted to ask…” He grunted as he forced himself into a seated position. “Ask how you were feeling about tomorrow?”

            “Fine,” Cooper shrugged.

            “Fine?” Blaine fixed him with a stare. “You can’t handle watching me get my IV, how are you going to be able to get anesthesia and have two giant needles insert into your pelvis and…”

            “La, la, la!” Cooper covered his ears, turning a strange shade of green.

            “See! I don’t want you to do it,” Blaine sighed. “You’re going to go through all that pain and…”

            “Blaine,” Cooper took his hands. “I’ll be fine. I’m going to be unconscious the entire time so don’t worry. Even if I wasn’t put under anesthesia I would still do it.”

            “Thank you,” Blaine whispered, voice cracking. “You…you might be saving my life.”

            “I’m glad I can,” Cooper smiled behind his mask. “I’d do anything for you.”

            “I don’t know how I’ll pay you back for this.”

            “Let me tell you how,” He leaned in closer to his brother. “You can move back to New York with your husband. You can have children. You can sing on Broadway. You can go to your grandchildren’s baseball games or ballet recitals. You can grow old. That’s how you are going to pay me back.”

            Blaine nodded tearfully before he was scooped up into a tight hug.

            “I love you,” He whispered.

            “Love you too baby brother,” Cooper’s voice was thick. “After the procedure I’ll come here as soon as I can.”

            “Good luck,” Blaine smiled up at him.

            “I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cooper rubbed the top of his head. “Sleep tight. You’ve fought so hard and after tomorrow it’s just downhill. You’ll be okay soon.”

            “Night.”

            Except Cooper was so not okay.

            “So there are two needles?” He asked, voice slightly squeaky and foot bouncing nervously.

            He was laying on an uncomfortable mattress in the pre-op room dressed in a gown and surrounded by nurses. At first, he was calm but with the nurse carrying around all the needles his calmness was vanishing quickly.

            “The needle for the IV is rather large,” The nurse’s eyes widened when Cooper paled. “So we inject you with a numbing agent to make the IV easier.”

            “Okay, okay,” Cooper’s eyes flickered to Kurt and his parents. “I’m fine. Let’s get this party started.”

            “Want me to hold your hand?” Kurt tried to hide his smile. “I’m here in the place of Blaine for moral support so I’m happy to help.”

            “Nope,” Cooper shook his head quickly. “It isn’t helpful that you look so nervous mom.”

            “You’ll be fine sweetie,” She paused from biting her nails and gave him a smile. Andrew shifted from foot to foot, looking all around the room.

            “Okay, stick me,” Cooper held out his hand and the nurse smiled, quickly injecting his hand with the numbing agent.

            “We’ll be here when you wake up,” Lisa gave him a kiss on the forehead as the anesthesiologist started his IV.

            “Yeah,” Cooper’s eyes started growing heavy. “I’ll be okay. Blaine will be okay.”

            “Because of you,” Lisa smiled.

            Cooper’s head bobbed forward and he jerked back with wide eyes. It was almost comical to watch him struggle against the anesthesia before he sagged against the pillows and fell asleep.  

            “We’ll take good care of him,” The anesthesiologist smiled as they unlocked the wheels on his bed. “I’ll call you when the procedure is over.”

            They left the pre-op room to find Burt and Carole waiting. Lisa gave them both a smile and hug before happily accepting Carole’s offer to go get coffee.

            “You alright?” Burt asked Andrew who sighed.

            “It’s strange,” He shrugged. “I love my sons, both of them. I had…trouble accepting Blaine and I know I struggle to connect with him.”

            Kurt crossed his arms over his chest when Andrew’s eyes flickered over to him. He had never felt particularly comfortable around Blaine’s father. Andrew was a quiet man who kept to himself most of the time, never making an effort to really talk to Kurt.

            “But I feel like the only time I spend time with Blaine is when he is in the hospital,” Tears filled his eyes and he let out a sharp huff. “He was in a coma after the attack and we didn’t know if he was going to make it or be the same. Now this?”

            Burt reached forward to place a hand on Andrew’s shoulder and squeezed.

            “It’s not fair and every second reminds me that I’ve never actually taken the time to talk to him,” Andrew shook his head. “I was always just…waiting for another day.”

            “So today is that day,” Burt smiled. “Blaine is an amazing kid.”

            “Tell Lisa I went to see him?” Andrew took a step back and smiled when the Hummels nodded.

            “Blaine?” Andrew gently shook him, dressed in his contamination gear. “Son?”

            “Dad?” Blaine blinked awake. “What’s wrong? Is Cooper okay?”

            “Cooper just went in, he only had a slight panic attack with the needles,” Andrew chuckled. “How are you feeling?”

            “Nervous,” Blaine bit his lip. “The transplant is tomorrow and it is the last thing we can try.”

            “It’ll be fine,” He took a seat next to the bed as they lapsed into an awkward silence. “You know I love you, right?”

            “Yeah,” Blaine nodded, looking confused.

            “I don’t say it enough but I love you and your brother more than anything,” Andrew reached forward to tap his chin with his finger. “I’m so proud of everything you’ve done and how strong you are. I just want you to know that I am happy to have Kurt as a son-in-law and am so glad that you’ve found happiness because you make my happy.”

            “I love you too,” Blaine smiled.

            “I’ve been distant because your being gay felt like something that I couldn’t understand and honestly, it made me uncomfortable. After this, I’ve realized that it was such a stupid little thing that kept us apart,” Blaine’s eyes swam with tears.

            “I thought you hated me for it,” He whispered.

            “I could never hate you. You’re my son and I will never stop loving you,” Andrew rubbed his leg through the blanket. “So, you’ve never backed down before. I know you are going to kick this cancer in the ass.”

            “That’s the plan,” Blaine smiled.

            They stayed up talking for almost an hour, Blaine relaxing and finally smiling with his father. Blaine showed his father a few pictures and videos from NYADA and Andrew was stunned at how talented his son was.

            “When you get your first role on Broadway, even if you’re just a chorus singer, I want tickets to opening night,” Andrew grinned and Blaine beamed at him.

            It was a start.

            Kurt slid back into the room when he was almost asleep and slipped under the sheets with him. Smiling, Blaine turned towards him and rested his head against his husband’s chest.

            “I’m pretty sure my dad just said goodbye to me,” Blaine muttered.

            “He was really upset earlier,” Kurt rubbed against his back. “He just realized that he needed to talk to you soon.”

            “Because I’m going to die.”

            “Shut up,” Kurt slapped him in the chest.

            “Don’t hit me! I have cancer!”

            “And you’re moping!” Kurt pressed his mouth through the mask to the top of his head. “I wont let my husband mope.”

            Blaine smiled softly and reached to rub his fingertips over Kurt’s ring through the gloves.

            “God, I can’t wait to kiss you as my husband.”

            “I can’t wait to have sex,” Kurt sighed and Blaine let out a surprised laugh. “Seriously. We haven’t consummated the marriage.”

            “Well with all of what we did when we moved into the apartment together,” Blaine teased. “Poor Rachel and Santana.”

            “Mm, that sounds like fun,” Kurt smiled. “So, that’s what is on our list for when you get better? Sex?”

            “And cheesecake,” Blaine yawned. “Maybe at the same time.”

            “Whatever my baby wants,” Kurt chuckled and smiled when he felt Blaine’s breathing even out as he fell asleep.

            The next morning everyone gathered around his hospital bed, including Cooper who limped in and sat instantly.

            “How are you feeling?” Blaine asked.

            “Totally fine,” Cooper shrugged and winced.

            “Fine?”

            “No it hurts like hell,” Cooper groaned. “But I got juice and graham crackers when I woke up by a super hot nurse so it’s all good.”

            “Of course he was drooling,” Lisa giggled at the dirty glare her son shot her.

            Pauline walked in with a IV pole and smiled at the group gathered around Blaine’s bed.

            “Ready to get this started?” She grinned, moving the bone marrow to his bedside. “It’ll only take an hour and you wont feel anything.”

            “Sounds easy,” Blaine’s lips twitched.

            “Ready?” She held the needle over his port and pushed it in without a problem. “I’m going to start it.”

            Every person in the room watched as the bone marrow started flowing through the port. Pauline nodded, looking pleased and wrote something down in her chart.

            “Okay,” Blaine looked up towards the ceiling, shaking slightly. “Okay.”

            Without a word, Kurt slid next to him on the bed and gathered him in his arms. The tears started flowing and Kurt hummed softly as he held him.

            “It is emotional,” Pauline said softly. “I know. What are you feeling?”

            “I hate it but I’m scared,” Blaine let out a shaky laugh and Lisa quickly held a hand up to her mouth. “I’m terrified.”

            “You’re okay,” Kurt whispered. “I love you so much.”

            “I love you too,” Blaine squeezed his hand.

            “So…we just wait?” Cooper asked, watching them with wide eyes as Pauline nodded. “Okay…we’ll wait.”


	12. Chapter 12

_Day Two_

            Two days after the transplant Burt found Cooper sitting on the floor outside of Blaine’s room. He winced slightly as his knees popped as he slid down to sit next to him.

            “What’s going on?”

            “Nothing,” Cooper mumbled, staring down at his hands.

            “It’s so obvious that you and Blaine are brothers,” Burt chuckled. “You know that it’s okay to show an emotion besides being happy and charming right?”

            Cooper sighed heavily and scrubbed his hands through his hair.

            “If the transplant doesn’t work…Blaine will die…” Cooper said slowly. “And…I was the one to donate. If my cells don’t help and he dies, I’ll never forgive myself.”

            “Cooper…”

            “He’s my baby brother,” Cooper blinked furiously, tears filling his eyes. “When he was born my mom put him in my arms and told me ‘Cooper, part of being a big brother is that you have to protect and be there for him.’ What if I can’t? What if the transplant doesn’t work and my cells end up killing him?”

            “You love your brother, don’t you?” Cooper nodded quickly. “The transplant is out of our hands. I know it’s hard but you’ve done everything you can. Without you we would have had to go through the registry and most likely wouldn’t have found anything. You are the reason Blaine has a good chance. You’re saving him.”

            “I feel like I’m killing him.”

            “The cancer is. You’re saving him,” Burt reached over and squeezed his shoulder. “You’re a good guy and so is Blaine. With all the crap that kiddo has been through, the universe owes him.”

            “Seriously though!” Cooper chuckled through his tears.

            “Blaine will be okay,” Burt said softly.

            “Yeah.”

            “I know you’re scared but your brother needs you to be strong,” Cooper sucked in a trembling breath. “You’re an actor.”

            Cooper scrubbed his face with his hands before standing up and stepping into Blaine’s room.

            “How’re you feeling Blainers?” He asked softly, plastering a smile on his face.

            “Sick,” Blaine mumbled, curled around the bucket the nurse had given him for his nausea.

            “But you’re getting better,” Cooper gently rubbed his back.

            Hollywood didn’t know, but Cooper was actually a damn good actor.

_Day Seven_

Blaine hated how tired he was. He hated that he could hardly keep his eyes open or stay awake through a conversation.

            But at least he was always falling asleep with his head cushioned against his husband’s chest.

            It was kind of like being in a constant state of being at the edge of waking up, trapped between consciousness and a dream. He let his fingers draw circles on Kurt’s stomach and smiled.

            “You’re awake?” Kurt put down his magazine.

            “Mmhmm.”

            “Kinda?” Kurt teased.

            “Mmhmm.”

            “Blaine,” He let his eyes crack open a little. “I just…I’m so lucky you are my husband. Every day I think about how lucky I am.”

            “I love you,” Blaine mumbled, fighting to stay awake.

            “I love you too. More than anything.”

_Day Twenty-Nine_

Lisa sat by her son’s side and hummed softly. He had gone three whole days without vomiting and every day he seemed a little more awake.

            “Are you angry at me?” Her head snapped up to see her son looking at her.

            “What?”

            “After all this stuff happened. My being gay, Sadie Hawkins, and now this,” His eyes filled with tears. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the son you expected.”

            “Sweetheart,” She moved forward to grab his hand. “You have never disappointed me. Not ever. You are a remarkable young man and I am  _so_  proud of what you have accomplished and everything you have done. I don’t care that you’re gay. I love you so much.”

            “I love you too mommy,” Blaine smiled softly, eyes filling with tears.

            “Now, you’re going to be fine,” Lisa patted his hand gently. “You are going to move to New York again with your husband and you’re going to adopt me a grandbaby.”

            “Yeah,” The doubt in his eyes broke her heart.

_Day Thirty-Two_

Kurt was holding Blaine’s hand tightly as Pauline looked over the tests in front of them. It was like every single person in the room was holding their breath at the same time.

            “Well…” She flipped another page. “It looks like we have engraftment.”

            “What does that mean?” Andrew asked, squeezing his son’s shoulder.

            “It means that the bone marrow is producing new cells,” Pauline grinned. “Your body accepted the transplant and is making new, healthy cells.”

            “That’s good?” Kurt asked, voice a squeak.

            “It’s very good,” Pauline’s smile widened. “We didn’t find any cancer cells in the last test. Congratulations Blaine, you’re in remission.”


	13. Chapter 13

           “Last day in the hospital!” Kurt sang as he walked into the room, mask free for the first time in months. “We have your bed all set up and your mom is making a nice healthy meal of oatmeal.”

            “Yum!” Blaine grinned, pulling his t-shirt over his head. Since he had stopped chemotherapy, his hair had grown back slightly.

            “Not only that but…” Kurt let out a gasp as Blaine grabbed his jacket and pulled him in for a long kiss.

            “I’ve waited months to kiss my husband,” He mumbled as he pulled back, smiling softly. “I’m hoping you don’t regret getting married to me now that I’m not sad, dying Blaine.”

            “I’ll never regret marrying you,” Kurt grinned and kissed him again.

            “Lovebirds,” Cooper knocked on the doorframe. “Let’s hit the road.”

            Kurt wheeled his husband down the hallways of the hospital, saying goodbye to everyone on his treatment team. They were loaded up in the car and drove back to the Anderson’s house. During the entire drive, Blaine eagerly looked out the window. He was still wearing a mask to avoid infection but looked so excited to be out.

            “Welcome home!” His mother wrapped him in a hug as soon as he walked in the door. “You look so strong sweetie!”

            Blaine definitely had more color in his face but after a short walk from the car to the living room he was already swaying. Gently, Kurt took his elbow and sat him down on the couch.

            “We’ve moved to your room upstairs so that you and Kurt can get the downstairs bedroom,” Lisa placed a bowl of oatmeal in front of him. “Now eat up and go to bed.”

            As much as Blaine wanted to stay up with his family, he was just exhausted. After many hugs and kisses, Kurt got him laying down on their bed in his pajamas.

            “This bed is so comfortable,” Blaine moaned as he snuggled back into the pillows. “This is the best.”

            “I’m glad you’re so pleased,” Kurt laughed, sliding into bed next to him.

            “I was just thinking,” Blaine gave his husband a sly grin. “We never consummated our marriage.”

            “We didn’t,” Kurt grinned and kissed him. “But you’ve had a long day and…”

            His words cut off as Blaine grabbed him through his pajama pants.

            “Please?”

            “You don’t have to beg me,” Kurt kissed him deeply, running his fingers through his short hair. “Like I’m ever going to turn you down.”

            They undressed slowly, Kurt kissing the scars left from the port and IVs. It didn’t take long for their soft gasps and moans to fill the room as they clutched at each other.

            There was only one problem.

            Blaine was into it. He really was. He wanted nothing more than to make love to his beautiful, amazing husband.

            However, his cock didn’t get that memo.

            “Damn it,” He mumbled, trying to jerk his hips up into Kurt’s hand but there was no response. Tears pricked at his eyes and he scowled.

            “Hey, it’s okay,” Kurt stopped, placing a hand on his cheek. “Look at me. What’s wrong? Are you in pain?”

            “No,” Blaine shook his head, tears streaming down his cheeks.

            “What’s the matter?” Kurt moved back a little, freezing when Blaine pulled him in closer.

            “I’m sorry!” He gasped out.  “Just give me a minute and I’ll be able to…”

            “It’s a side effect you know,” Kurt lay down next to him. “Erectile dysfunction.”

            Blaine covered his face with his hands.

            “Sorry.”

            “Don’t feel bad!” Kurt kissed his hands and stroked his hair. “It’s fine.”

            “It’s not! I’ve been waiting months to be here with you,” Blaine said bitterly. “And I can’t even…perform.”

            “I don’t need sex to be happy,” Kurt smiled and stroked his cheek. “Blaine, you’re here. You’re here with me. I don’t need anything but you.”

            Blaine gave him a small smile.

            “I can still…”

            “No, I don’t want to if you cant,” Kurt shrugged. “I’m happy just being here with you.”

            Blaine lay his head down on Kurt’s chest and drew small circles on the skin. He closed his eyes as Kurt gently ran his fingers through the short hair.

            “I can’t wait until this grows out long enough to run my fingers through,” Kurt smiled.

            “I can’t wait to eat normal food,” Blaine chuckled.

            “I can’t wait until we can go out on a date.”

            “I can’t wait until we move back to New York.”

            “I can’t wait until we can go dancing.”

            “I can’t wait until we adopt a baby.”

            “Really?” Kurt glanced down.

            “Yeah, I want to be a family,” Blaine grinned. “It’s like…I can finally start planning for my life. Like the possibility of having a future is so much more realistic.”

            “Every day it gets better,” Kurt kissed the top of his head.

            “I mean…you’re not going to freak out and…”

            “I’m not about to leave you. It wasn’t a stupid, heat of the moment decision,” Kurt fiddled with the ring on Blaine’s finger. “I can’t wait to see you grow old.”

            Blaine grinned brightly, tears flashing in both of their eyes.

            “It…it might come back,” Blaine whispered after a long silence. “Maybe next year…or in five. Or ten.”

            “We’ll deal with it then.”

            “What if we have kids,” Blaine’s eyes widened. “I mean…I don’t know if I can deal with this again. I don’t want to leave you and our children alone and I…”

            “Sweetheart, we’re married. I don’t want to spend our lives worried about this disease coming back. I want to spend every day thankful that we’re together and that we’re happy. If it comes back, we’ll deal with it then,” Kurt kissed him deeply. “I’m in this fight too. You kicked cancer’s ass once, you’ll do it again.”


End file.
